


Let Go

by Attenia



Category: TOLKIEN J. R. R. - Works & Related Fandoms, The Lord of the Rings (Movies), The Lord of the Rings - All Media Types, The Lord of the Rings - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Eating Disorders, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Out of Character Legolas Greenleaf, Panic Attacks, Romance, Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-27
Updated: 2019-04-27
Packaged: 2020-02-08 12:20:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 23,082
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18623194
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Attenia/pseuds/Attenia
Summary: When Legolas moves to Aragorn's school, Aragorn is immediately drawn to him. He soon finds, though, that Legolas had problems that may outpace Aragorn's ability to help him with. He's given his word that he won't say anything, but will Legolas survive his silence? Modern AU, high school. OOC Legolas. Trigger warnings: suicide attempt, self-harm, eating disorders and panic attacks.





	1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1  
Aragorn

“A moment, Estel.” Aragorn paused as his father carefully removed a bucket of water from the other side of the door top, saving him from being drenched.  
“Thanks, Ada. May I ask why you are incurring the twins’ wrath? You know that once they find out you’ve ruined their prank, they’ll turn on you.”  
Elrond laughed. “I know, but I have a favor to ask you, and it’s worth waking up with frogs in my socks for a few weeks.”  
“What is it?”  
Aragorn sat down and took the bowl of cereal Elrond handed him. “You remember my patient, Thranduil?”  
“Yes, you talked about him a lot. He was a tricky case; bone cancer, correct?”  
“Yes. He is very lucky to be in remission.”  
“Lucky he had you as a doctor. Even your colleagues said that no one else could have cured him.”  
Elrond shrugged. “Well, I couldn’t do anything for his wife. She was in a car crash two months ago. She died. Thran is devastated and can’t stay in the house he shared with her. He’s moving to a place a couple of blocks from here. His son, Legolas, is going to be coming to the school in this area. He’ll be your classmate.”  
“So what’s the favor?”  
“Legolas is… troubled. I’ve met him several times since Thran and I became friends. He was always such a sweet, happy boy. He’s taken his mother’s death hard, harder even than Thran. I’m worried about him. I’d appreciate it if you could keep an eye on him.”  
“Sure, Ada. I’ll do that.”  
Aragorn ducked as a slice of bread flew past his head. “El!”  
“How did you escape that one, little brother? The bucket was completely invisible from the point you’d have been approaching from.” Elladan scowled as he threw himself into a chair.  
“Don’t be a sore loser, El.”  
Elrohir dropped into a chair on his other side. “So? How did you do it?”  
Aragorn shot a guilty look at Elrond. The twins rounded on their father, swearing vengeance. Aragorn just chuckled.   
Elrond dropped the three of them off at school before going to work. Aragorn was quickly hailed by Gimli, and the two of them spent several minutes chatting by the lockers before the bell rang for class.   
Aragorn looked around, and easily spotted the new boy, the only one in the class he didn’t recognize. He only realized he’d gasped when Gimli shot him a questioning look, but Aragorn wasn’t paying attention to his friend anymore. Legolas was beautiful. He had long, blonde hair and creamy white skin. His eyes were a deep blue that Aragorn could easily lose himself in. He was lithe to the point of almost being too thin, but that didn’t take away from his attractiveness at all.  
Aragorn leapt up. “Legolas!”  
Legolas turned in confusion and hesitantly walked over. “Hello.”  
“Hey, I’m Aragorn. My father is friends with your father – Doctor Peredhel.”  
Legolas’ face broke into a smile. “Of course. My dad speaks very highly of him.”  
“Come, sit with us.” Aragorn kicked Gimli under the table, who wisely gave up his seat to Legolas.   
“Do you have your schedule for the day?” Aragorn asked as Legolas got his books out.  
“Yes, I got it first thing this morning. I’m not sure I know where everything is, though.”  
“Here, let me see.”  
Aragorn was delighted to find that he shared most of his classes with Legolas. “Well, you obviously know where math is, since you’re here. English is next, and I’m in your class, so you can walk with me.”  
Legolas smiled warmly at him. “Thanks, Aragorn. Do you know who I’d speak to about sports? I hear this school has archery classes as an optional.”  
“Yes, you can ask Mr. Aber about archery, he’s the one who runs it. You’ll have him for history.”  
“Do you… do you do archery?”  
On the spot, Aragorn decided to take it up. “I’ve been meaning to look into it.” He ignored Gimli’s snigger. “Maybe I’ll check it out with you. If it doesn’t clash with fencing, that is.”  
“Fencing?” Legolas’ eyes lit up.   
Oh, he liked this boy.  
Aragorn was glad that Gimli took good notes, because he barely paid attention in classes that day. He was spending too much time staring at Legolas like a fool. He didn’t think he imagined it when he thought he saw Legolas looking back in a similar way.   
At lunch, Aragorn introduced Legolas to his friends Faramir and Boromir. The twins also joined them.   
“Legolas, I presume? Elladan, and this ugly one here is Elrohir. I see you’ve met our little brother.”  
“Pleased to meet you,” Legolas said politely.   
“Oh, Estel, I spoke to Arwen, and she said that if you don’t reply to her mail, even Ada won’t be able to protect you from her wrath when she comes home for the holidays.” Elrohir gave him a sympathetic grimace.   
“I forgot. Crap, I’d better respond to her.”  
Legolas was looking confused, and Aragorn explained. “My sister, Arwen, goes to boarding school. And I’m no good with remembering to respond to emails.”  
“Ah, I see. Also… Estel and Ada?”  
“Oh! Estel is a nickname my family calls me. Don’t ask me where it comes from, El made it up and I can’t get them to stop using it.”  
Elladan and Elrohir shrugged with evil twin grins.   
“I like it,” Legolas said quietly. “Can I call you Estel?”  
“Sure.” Aragorn was surprised by the request, but found he liked the idea.   
“As for Ada, it’s what I called my dad before I could say ‘dada’. Again, everyone picked it up. Don’t ask, my family is strange.”  
Legolas nodded his understanding. Aragorn did his best to eat while watching the new boy. When Aragorn drew Legolas into conversation, he soon found that the blonde was smart, funny, and easy to talk to. When the talking ebbed, though, Legolas became quiet and withdrawn, seemingly sad. Of course, his mother had just died, and that was to be expected.   
“Aren’t you going to eat anything?”  
Legolas flushed as Aragorn eyed his still-full plate of food. “I’m not hungry.”  
Aragorn just shrugged. “Well, take an apple or something. You’ll need the fuel for archery practice, if you want to go today, that is?”  
Archery just happened to be on Tuesdays, and today was a Tuesday. Aragorn and Legolas had already signed up with Mr. Aber.   
Legolas brightened. “Yes, I want to go today.”  
They were in separate classes after lunch, but Aragorn was in Physics with Legolas in their last period. Afterward, he showed the blonde to the field where they practiced archery.   
“Do you have something to change into? These uniforms aren’t exactly the best for archery practice.”  
Legolas’ face fell. “I guess I didn’t think of that.”  
“Don’t worry, I keep a spare set of gym clothes in my locker, ever since by brothers soaked my only gym clothes in melted chocolate on a fencing day.”  
Legolas burst out laughing at that, and Aragorn handed him a shirt and pair of shorts. “These will be a bit big for you, but they’ll do for today.”  
“Um… do you have anything with long sleeves?”  
“Long sleeves? I doubt you’ll want those, it’s boiling outside.”  
“I get cold easily,” Legolas mumbled. “It’s fine, I’ll just wear the school jersey over it.”  
Aragorn shrugged. “Sure, if you’d like. Come on, the changing rooms are this way.”  
Legolas shied at the changing room doors and went instead to the bathroom. He emerged from there fully dressed, looking rather odd with a jersey over the sports shirt. Aragorn wondered if Legolas’ old school had individual stalls in changing rooms or something, as he was clearly shy about changing in front of others.  
The sun was shining as they walked onto the field. Aragorn could already feel it warming his skin; he didn’t know how Legolas was going to survive in that jersey. Already, the blonde’s face was slightly flushed with heat.  
He quickly forgot the mystery of Legolas’ eccentric dressing as Mr. Aber took them through the basics of archery. Most of the class was at a much more advanced level, so the teacher left them to practice shooting targets while showing Aragorn and Legolas how to hold the bow and arrows.  
Legolas seemed naturally talented at this; he at least managed to hit the target, which was more than Aragorn could say for himself. He was much better at fencing, but he enjoyed spending time with Legolas. After a while, Mr. Aber left them to practice while going to the rest of the group to show them their new moves for the day.  
The blonde looked happier than Aragorn had seen him so far today as he made shot after shot. His skin became more and more flushed, though, as he toiled under the sun with the stupid jersey on. Aragorn urged him to take it off, but Legolas flatly refused.  
It was a good thing he was standing so close to his new friend, because he was able to catch Legolas when he swayed on the spot and probably would have fallen without support.   
“Legolas? Are you alright?”  
“Just – just dizzy. I’m fine.”  
He made a few more shots before stumbling sideways into Aragorn again. “I’ll ask Mr. Aber to call the nurse…”  
“No! I just – I think I need to sit down for a minute.”  
Though he would have much preferred to have Legolas looked over by the nurse, Aragorn acceded to the blonde’s wishes and helped him back to the change rooms, wanting to get him out of the sun.  
“Did you eat anything after lunch?”  
“No,” Legolas admitted.  
Aragorn bit back a reprimand. Hadn’t he told Legolas he’d need the fuel? Though he supposed it could just as easily be the heat. The jersey was probably causing him to overheat.  
Legolas slumped to the side, his head resting on Aragorn’s shoulder.  
“Take off the jersey, and have something to eat. I have an energy bar somewhere… yes, here it is.”  
“No.”  
“Legolas, either that jersey comes off, or I’m taking you to the nurse’s office.”  
“No, Estel, I can’t!”  
Why did he look so panicked?  
“Why not? I can tell you’re not cold. In fact, you’re overheating.”  
“I…”  
Legolas trailed off and fell back against the wall, breathing hard, looking as if he was about to pass out. Aragorn had had enough of this. He wasn’t going to sit here and watch Legolas collapse, not when he could do something to help him. He snatched the bottom of the jersey and pulled it upward. Legolas squawked and tried to fight, but Aragorn was stronger than him, and managed to wrestle it away.  
“Estel!”  
Legolas leapt up and tried to scuttle away, only to fall onto his ass. Aragorn went to him and helped him sit back down on the bench, and a flash of red caught his eye.  
He tried to turn Legolas’ arm, but Legolas clamped his arms over his stomach, staring straight ahead. Again, Aragorn wasn’t having it, and he quickly managed to turn the blonde’s arms enough to see.   
Legolas’ forearms were covered in deep red slashes. Some looked weeks old, and several were still wet, as though done mere hours ago.  
“Legolas?”  
Legolas wouldn’t meet his gaze. Tears were pooling in the boy’s eyes. “Don’t tell my dad,” he whispered. “Please.”  
Aragorn didn’t know what to do. Those cuts were clearly self-inflicted. He didn’t know how to help Legolas with this.   
“Then how can I help you? Tell me.”  
“Maybe just… give me a lift home? I told my dad I could walk – we’re just around the corner from here – but I’m really not feeling up to it.”  
“Fine, on the condition you invite me in, and we talk about this.”  
“Fine,” Legolas muttered.   
“Now, eat this energy bar, or you’ll collapse before we even get to the parking lot.”  
Legolas reluctantly took a tiny bite, but refused to have any more than that. Aragorn told Legolas to wait while he tracked down Boromir and convinced his friend to drive him and Legolas to Thranduil’s home. He messaged Elrond saying he would be home late, that he was spending time with Legolas.  
When he came back to the changing room, Legolas had the jersey back on, but other than that, he hadn’t moved.  
“Are you able to stand?”  
“Yes.” Legolas swayed for a moment, but seemed to find his feet.   
“Alright, Boromir and Faramir are giving us a lift. Don’t worry, you’ll be home soon.”  
Legolas was quiet during the trip, speaking only to give direction. When he told them to stop, Aragorn gaped. Legolas’ house was huge, even bigger than his, and not many houses could boast that. The blonde led him through three different hallways before coming to an expansive bedroom. Legolas dropped his bag on the floor and fell onto the bed.   
Aragorn perched on the edge next to him. “So? Talk to me.”  
He realized the other boy was trembling and put a tentative hand on his shoulder. “Legolas? You can trust me, I promise.”  
“I… everything has been wrong since she died, Estel. You know about my mother, right? My dad would have told yours, they’re good friends now…”  
“I know,” he said gently, gesturing for Legolas to continue, but Legolas seemed to have run out of words.  
Aragorn had learned patience from the master – no one could beat Elrond there – and he waited quietly while the other boy sorted through his thoughts.   
“I feel like I don’t know how to keep living. I’m not sure if I want to. I can’t eat – it makes me sick, I keep seeing her broken face, after she was smashed to bits by that drunk driver. What sleep I get is hardly worth it with the nightmares. Cutting is the only thing that makes me feel any better. Sometimes I wonder if it would just be better if…”  
“If what? If what, Legolas?”  
But Legolas refused to say. This was worse than Aragorn had thought. What the hell was he supposed to do?  
“Please don’t tell my dad,” Legolas whispered. “I’ll do anything. Just don’t tell him. He’s heartbroken enough as it is. This would destroy him.”  
Aragorn hesitated. “I’ll tell you what, Legolas. You and I are going to keep talking. I’m going to do my best to help you. I’ll give it a really good try, I swear… but if I can’t, if you don’t get better… then I’m going to have to tell someone.”  
Legolas shook his head mutely, his features set in terror. His breathing was increasing rapidly in rate, and Aragorn tried to calm him. “Let’s not worry about that now, ok? For now, let’s just think about what the two of us can do to help you.”  
Legolas wasn’t comforted, and his hyperventilating was getting worse by the moment. Crap, crap, crap, so he had panic attacks too? Aragorn didn’t know how to help him. What did he do? He wanted Elrond, Ada always knew what to do.  
“Hey, hey, don’t panic. It’ll be ok.”  
It was the wrong thing to say. Legolas burst into tears, gasping worse than ever. He hesitantly brought his arms around Legolas, glad when the other boy accepted the embrace. Aragorn maneuvered them so that they were lying side by side, and he tucked Legolas’ head onto his shoulder.  
“Just breathe. I am here with you. Just breathe.”  
Legolas was shuddering with sobs, and Aragorn felt his heart breaking to witness such utter misery. He stroked the blonde’s back, hoping that Legolas managed to get his breathing under control before he passed out.   
“Talk to me,” he begged. “Please, Legolas.”  
“I – can’t – h-hurts – want to p-protect – strong for – d-dad – b-but I miss – he c-can’t see – me like t-this – would break – h-heart –”  
Horror was rapidly growing inside Aragorn. No wonder Legolas was struggling this much if he felt he had to hide his grief from even his own father. It must be eating him alive from the inside.   
“You do not need to hide your pain. I’m sure your father wouldn’t want that.”  
Legolas tried to speak again, but he didn’t manage to get out any more coherent words. He clung to his friend, and Aragorn wondered when the last time the blonde had allowed someone to hold him and comfort him as he cried. “Let go,” Aragorn murmured in his ear. “Let it all out.”  
By the desolate sound of Legolas’ sobs and the way he held onto Aragorn, he suspected it hadn’t been for some time, possibly even before his mom died.   
To his relief, Legolas’ breathing eventually evened out, though violent sobs still wracked his body. Eventually, he seemed to cry himself out and fell into a light sleep. Aragorn brushed the blonde hair back from his face, wondering what he’d gotten himself into.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2  
Legolas

Legolas woke to the confusing sensation of a warm presence next to and around him. He blinked and found himself staring into Estel’s eyes. They were still in bed, and the brunette was still holding him.  
He felt his face going bright red, and he tried to pull away, but Estel hold onto him, not allowing him to escape. “I’m sorry,” Legolas mumbled. What had he done? He’d only just met Estel, and now he was crying all over him and having a complete mental breakdown in his arms.   
“Don’t be sorry. Please, never hide yourself from me.”  
“Why do you even care? You’ve known me for one day.”  
“I don’t know,” Estel replied pensively. “I just know that I do care. I do.”  
Legolas saw the other boy’s eyes dart to his lips, and he felt his gaze almost magnetically drawn to do the same. He wondered what it would be like to kiss Estel. Nothing could be more embarrassing than the scene Estel had just witnessed. What was a little rejection on top of that? There was nothing to lose in acting on his desire.  
Legolas moved forward ever so slightly. Their faces were now so close together that he could feel Estel’s warm breath on his cheek. He moved further forward, their lips now only inches apart.  
Estel closed the last of the distance. His lips were warm and soft against Legolas’. Legolas found himself moaning as he leaned into the kiss. Estel wrapped a hand around the back of the blonde’s neck, his fingers finding the hair at the base of Legolas’ head and using it to position the blonde’s head.  
With a sigh, Legolas let his mouth slip open. Estel’s tongue slithered in, and Legolas didn’t think he’d ever felt anything so good. There was only him and Estel, and the slick warmth between them. His cock was already rock hard and he longed to touch it, to give himself some relief.  
Estel moved suddenly, so that he was on top of Legolas, and he could feel that the other boy’s cock was just as hard as his. Their kiss became more passionate as Estel moved his hips slightly, giving them both a taste of delicious friction where they needed it the most.  
Unable to stand it, Legolas tried to push a hand between them, to stroke his cock and make himself come harder than he’d ever come before. Estel snatched his arm, using one hand to hold both of Legolas’ wrists to the headboard.  
“Please,” Legolas moaned, turning his head aside from the kiss to catch his breath and bucking desperately up against Estel.  
The door opened, and Thranduil’s voice broke Legolas out of his haze at once. “Legolas!”  
The next thing he knew, Estel was being ripped off him and thrown across the room.   
“Dad, stop it!”  
Estel recovered his feet quickly, but stayed back at Thranduil’s dangerous glare. Thranduil faltered. “He – he wasn’t assaulting you?”  
Legolas could have fried an egg on his face. “No, dad, why would you think that!”  
“I – he –”  
To be fair, Legolas could see how his dad had misunderstood. Estel had been on top of him, holding his wrists, while Legolas begged him and moved under him. It could easily look like he’d been trying to throw the brunette off and begging to be released… but Legolas wasn’t in the mood to listen to logic. “I’m seventeen years old, dad, and I can kiss who I like! Get out!”  
Thranduil squinted suspiciously between him and Estel. Legolas resisted the urge to swear at his father, who was simply being protective. He got up, standing before Thranduil, hoping he wouldn’t need to explain more. After a glance at his son’s obvious arousal, Thranduil’s face went beet red, and he retreated. “Sorry. I didn’t mean – who are you, by the way?”  
“My name is Aragorn.”  
Thranduil groaned. “Great, now El is going to kill me for attacking his son.”  
“El? Oh, you mean my dad! Sorry, it’s just that I call the twins El…” Estel trailed off. To his credit, Thranduil looked mortified. “I’ll – I’ll leave you to it, then. But clothes stay on, Legolas, you hear me?”  
“Fine, dad.”  
Thranduil left, but not before giving Estel a pointed look that said very clearly he would not take well to his instruction about clothes being ignored.  
“I’m sorry,” Legolas whispered, staring at his feet. He’d never been so embarrassed in his life. Surely, Estel would hate him now.  
Against all his expectations, Estel started laughing. “Well, that will be quite some story to tell. You’d better not let the twins find out, they’d never let me hear the end of it.”  
Legolas relaxed slightly. “We’d better get down there before my dad comes to check that we’ve still got our clothes on.”  
“Hang on, you’ve got blood on your sleeve.”  
Legolas automatically yanked his arm away, but Estel was too quick for him, capturing his wrist once more and gently rolling up his sleeve. Legolas glanced down, unconcerned.   
“One of the cuts has just opened up again, Estel. It happens when I move too much.”  
“Why aren’t these bandaged? Hell, some of them look like they need to be stitched! Tomorrow, you’re coming over to my place and I’m sorting these out.”  
Legolas swayed slightly as terror overcame him. “You can’t tell your father. He’ll tell mine in an instant.”  
He might have fallen if not for Estel’s arm around him. “That’s not what I mean. I promised you I’d try to help you before resorting to telling anyone else, and I meant it. I’ve been able to stitch wounds since I was ten. That’s the advantage of having a doctor as a father and two brothers whose pranks more often than not end in some kind of injury.”  
“Oh,” Legolas breathed, trying to calm his panic, but it wasn’t working. Estel had just reminded him that unless he got better – something Legolas had known for a while now was impossible – his secret would be out.  
He was aware of Estel pushing him to sit down on the edge of the bed. “Breathe, Legolas. Come on, calm.”  
If he knew how to be calm, didn’t Estel think he would be calm? He stared helplessly up at the brunette, unable to articulate his thoughts for lack of air.   
My dad is downstairs, Legolas reminded himself. If I fall apart again now, I’ll start crying, and my face will blotch up. There’s no way he’ll fail to notice.  
With this motivation, he was finally able to get himself under control. “Just a minute please, Estel.” He changed into a clean shirt – with long sleeves, as were all the shirts he wore nowadays – before gesturing for the other boy to follow him.   
“He’ll invite you for dinner, but say no.”  
“Why?”  
“I’ve taken meals in my room since… since the accident… but if you’re eating with him, he’ll demand I’m there too.”  
“When you say you’ve been taking meals… exactly how much have you been eating?”  
Legolas shrugged. “There’s a homeless shelter across town. They always appreciate food donations.”  
Estel didn’t question further, but his eyes narrowed as he scrutinized Legolas’ body. This time, it wasn’t with desire, but with worry, an emotion Legolas liked much less than the former. He knew he’d lost a lot of weight. Estel’s eyes lingered on his ribs, which were sticking out through his shirt.  
Thankfully, he didn’t comment, and the two of them sought out Legolas’ father. Thranduil was in his study, pretending to read, but the book he was holding was upside down. He smiled in relief when Estel and Legolas walked in.  
“Aragorn, Legolas! Listen, Aragorn, I’m sorry about earlier. I should have asked questions before I made assumptions.”  
Estel shrugged. “No harm done. I don’t begrudge you wanting to keep Legolas safe.”  
Thranduil beamed. Estel didn’t know it, but he’d just made a friend for life. Anyone who cared about Legolas was a friend of Thranduil.   
“Please, join me for dinner, if your father wouldn’t object, that is.”  
“Of course, I would be glad to. I’ll just text him to let him know.”  
Legolas spun around to gaze at Estel in horror. What are you doing, what are you doing?  
Estel simply smiled. Thranduil took them through to the dining room to have a drink – wine for him, sodas for Legolas and Estel – while the chef prepared dinner, which meant Legolas had no chance to talk to his new friend.  
He glared at Estel as he realized what the brunette was doing – forcing him to eat, or at least trying to. Did he not realize that Legolas couldn’t?  
Thranduil and Estel seemed to get on well, and Legolas mostly listened to their conversation. He wasn’t feeling up to much. He was still feeling fragile after this afternoon. That had been the first time he’d cried since the accident, and keeping his composure up afterward was doubly hard. He would do it, though. His father was suffering enough. The last thing Legolas wanted was to add to his pain.   
The food came – roast chicken and assorted vegetables. It was all Legolas could do not to wince. Thranduil and Estel tucked in, while Legolas cut the chicken into little pieces and spread it around his plate. He managed to take a small bite of carrot, but that was already almost more than he could bear. He regretted it instantly, having already had that piece of energy bar today. Recently, he’d been functioning on only a few bites of food per week, and this felt like way too much.  
It was easier, somehow, to maintain composure with an empty belly, and he needed every advantage he could get right now.  
Legolas desperately tried to think of some way to get out of it. Before long, his father would notice he wasn’t eating, and then the questions would start. He carefully folded his cloth napkin on his lap and scanned the table.   
There. Legolas reached for the gravy, ‘accidentally’ knocking it over onto his father’s lap.  
“Sorry, dad, sorry!” he cried as Thranduil leapt up.  
“No worries, son, it’s just a bit of gravy. Hang on, I’d better go clean up.”  
The moment Thranduil was gone, Legolas pushed most of his food into the napkin, folded it up, and dumped it in a nearby vase of dried flowers. He’d get rid of it later, when his father was asleep. Estel frowned at him, but Legolas wouldn’t meet his new friend’s eyes. He’d explained this to Estel, it wasn’t his fault if the brunette was stubborn.   
He quickly moved the remaining few pieces of food around, making it look natural, and put his knife and fork together in the center of the plate. When Thranduil reappeared in a fresh shirt, Legolas did his best to paste on a smile for his father.  
After dinner, Estel dragged Legolas back to his room, with a warning from Thranduil that their clothes had better still be on when he came to check on them. Legolas expected annoyance, but Estel turned to him the moment the door was closed and pulled him into a gentle hug.  
“Legolas, you have to eat,” he said, his voice soft with concern.   
“I’ve eaten too much today already.”  
“Too much! The only thing you’ve had since you nearly passed out is two bites of food!”  
“It’s too much,” he insisted.   
Estel shook his head. “Look, I have to get back home, but we’ll talk about this tomorrow, ok?”  
“Ok,” Legolas said in a small voice. He wasn’t sure how he felt about Estel knowing. Now that some of his blind panic was fading, he was taken by the desire to have Estel know everything. Maybe the brunette could help him. Legolas certainly knew he needed help, even if he didn’t think it would work.   
Still, he couldn’t tell his friend everything. That would get him reported to his father for sure. He’d already said enough. Strange temptation aside, another part of him wanted nothing more than to snatch his secrets away, and keep them hidden forever.   
“Before I go, I want you to show me the blade you use to cut yourself.”  
It was a surprising request, and one Legolas felt strangely shy about. His blade felt somehow… private. But Estel was looking expectantly at him, so Legolas reached into his bag for the pocket knife he took everywhere. It had a carved wooden handle and a wickedly sharp blade; he worked to keep it so.  
Estel examined it for a moment before putting it in his pocket. “I’m taking this.”  
“W-what?”  
“You’ve already hurt yourself enough. I don’t want you to do this anymore.”  
“I have to,” Legolas said blankly. “Give it back.”  
“No.”  
He felt tears pricking at his eyes again, and forcibly pushed them away. He could find something else to cut with. It wouldn’t be as good as his pocket knife, but a blade was a blade. “Fine,” he sighed, “but we’re not done talking about this.”  
“Agreed.”  
Legolas would have his blade back, whether by persuasion or even if he had to steal it back.   
“Here’s my number.” Estel scribbled it down on a scrap of paper and put it on Legolas’ desk. “Call if you need me, ok? I’d better go, or Ada will start worrying, but before I do…” Estel stepped hesitantly toward him, his hand stroking Legolas’ cheek and leaving a trail of sparks behind.   
The brunette leaned forward and gave him a sweet, tender kiss. Legolas returned it for several moments before Estel pulled away, regretfully, it seemed.   
“I’ll see you tomorrow. Goodnight, Legolas.”  
“Goodnight, Estel.”  
Legolas walked him to the door, then headed back for his room, a silly grin on his face.   
“He seems nice.”  
Thranduil was leaning against his study door as Legolas passed. Legolas beamed. “He’s amazing.”  
“I can see that,” Thranduil chuckled. “I’m glad you’ve found him. You seem happier than I’ve seen you in… well, you seem happy. It’s good to see.”  
“Thanks, dad. And, um… reconsider the rule about clothes, won’t you?”  
His father’s face drew down into a frown.  
“I’m seventeen, dad!”  
“Fine, fine, I’ll consider it. How was your first day at school today, by the way?”  
“It was great.” Legolas didn’t mention archery and his near-collapse.   
“That’s good, son. I’m so glad. Are you off to bed?”  
“Soon, I’ve just got some homework to do. Goodnight.”  
“Goodnight, Legolas.”  
Legolas did indeed have homework, and he started working on an English essay, humming softly. Unfortunately, his good mood didn’t last. Before long, he was swamped by the all-too-familiar despair. Almost without thinking, Legolas pulled out a black notebook with a plain cover. He flipped to a free page and started writing.   
After the events of today, he wanted to run, to run from Estel and his dangerous knowledge, so that was what he fantasized about.

The edge of the cliff is in sight. The adrenaline surges through me, enough to finally eclipse the hopelessness. This time, I know it won’t return. I run, leaving everything behind me. The grass is soft under my feet, and the distance between me and the cliff’s edge vanishes rapidly.  
I am there. I don’t pause, but leap, my heart suddenly filled with joy knowing that the pain will end. The plummeting sensation is both electrifying and terrifying. I glance down to see the sharp rocks, far, far below me. I close my eyes, knowing that in mere moments, I will see my mother again.  
There is a moment of blinding pain, before the world goes mercifully, beautifully black.

Legolas smiled at the pleasant fantasy as he read it over again. This was a good one, one he’d revisit often, he thought. He finished the English essay, as well as the math homework, which made up everything he had to do tonight. By the time he was done with that, the temporary reprieve his fantasy had brought him was gone. Legolas felt like there was a cloud hanging in his mind, blocking out any light or joy, dragging him down.  
He knew what to do, he just didn’t know what to do it with. Rummaging through his stationary, he found what he needed. A box cutter. It looked even sharper than his pocked knife, and he trembled in anticipation.   
There was a bathroom adjoining his bedroom, and he stumbled in, pulling off his shirt before bringing the knife down onto his arm. It cut deeply, far deeper than he’d intended. Legolas had dragged it swiftly three times down each arm before he realized how off course he’d gone.   
He stared at the rapidly flowing blood, suddenly panicked. This was too deep. The cuts gaped almost two fingers’ widths apart. Fuck, what now?  
Estel. Estel said he could stitch wounds. Legolas just had to wait until tomorrow. Surely, he could wait that long?  
If he went into his room now, he would get blood all over the carpet. The tiles of the bathroom were at least easily cleaned. He cut his own shirt into strips and bound his arms tightly until the bleeding stopped, flexing his fingers to ensure that he hadn’t cut off circulation completely.   
He wiped off the excess blood and put on a thick sweater, despite the heat of the evening. He knew he’d bleed in his sleep, and didn’t want to get it on the sheets.  
On the plus side, Legolas felt amazing. He felt a genuine smile stretch across his lips. For once, sleep found him easily.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3  
Aragorn

“Estel! You’ve been gone a while. Did you have a good time?”  
“I did, Ada,” he replied, trying to keep his mind on the more pleasant aspects of the evening so that his father didn’t read any distress on his face. “Legolas is amazing.”  
“I’m glad you two are getting on so well. He could use a friend.”  
“Um… Ada? What would you think of us being… more than friends? I mean, like dating.”  
Elrond smiled widely. “Even better! Legolas is a wonderful boy; you would do well to call him your boyfriend.”  
“I don’t think we’re really naming things yet, but – you’re right, he is wonderful.”  
“And did you meet Thran?”  
Aragorn nodded, deciding to keep the finer details to himself. For the most part, you couldn’t find a more gentle, patient and kind person than Elrond, but he was fiercely protective of his children. Aragorn didn’t want Thranduil getting himself run through with Ada’s favorite sword. “He seems… nice.”  
“Do I need to have a talk with you about safety?”  
Aragorn felt his face going red. “No, Ada.” His father had given him the sex talk, of course, but that had been about sex between a man and women. Aragorn had the internet, though, so he wasn’t completely clueless, even if many of the finer details were still shrouded in mystery.  
“Well if not me, then your brothers. I don’t want you relying on some rubbish you find on the internet.”  
“And the twins are qualified to teach me? They’re only two years older than I am! You can’t tell them, Ada, they’ll never stop teasing me.”  
“True. Fine, I won’t tell them, but when they find out – and they will – they are having the talk with you. And as for their qualifications, I believe you’ll find Elrohir’s experience in this area… quite sufficient.”  
Aragorn couldn’t stifle a laugh at that. Oh, Elrohir was never going to hear the end of this from him! He wondered who it had been. Someone he knew? The possibilities were endless.  
He was still chuckling when he went to his room and started on his homework. Aragorn’s thoughts strayed to Legolas, and he found himself putting his pen down. He was worried about the blonde. Deeply worried. Deciding homework could wait, he opened his laptop and consulted google, opening four tabs, each with different searches: how to help people who cut themselves, how to help people with panic attacks, how to help people with nightmares, and how to help people who won’t eat.  
He grabbed a notepad and started jotting things down. Unfortunately, almost all of the sites he looked at said that professional help was needed, and he was far from a professional. A month, he decided. He’d give it a month, and if Legolas was no better, he’d tell someone.  
Half an hour later, he had a rudimentary list of strategies.

Panic attacks  
• Paper bag  
• Breathing exercises  
• Talk through source of panic and remove it from lifestyle if possible, otherwise find coping strategies  
• Professional help – therapy, doctors, medicine, hospitals

Cutting  
• Don’t let him cut! Take away sharp objects  
• Find other things that make him feel better  
• Professional help – therapy, doctors, medicine, hospitals

Nightmares  
• Write them down and talk about them, trying to find meaning  
• Reduce stress in life  
• Professional help – therapy, doctors, medicine, hospitals

Eating disorder – anorexia?  
• Make sure he eats  
• Help him come up with an eating plan that’s manageable for him  
• Professional help – therapy, doctors, medicine, hospitals

“Hey, brother, what are you up to?”  
Aragorn yelped as the twins came up behind him. He slammed his laptop shut and flipped his notebook over to face the desk. “Don’t sneak up on me like that!”  
Elladan and Elrohir exchanged a look. “We weren’t sneaking, you were just so absorbed you didn’t hear us.” Elrohir peered curiously over his shoulder. “What are you doing?”  
“Nothing. Did you need something?”  
“Just to check that you’re not dead. Elrohir lost ten bucks when we didn’t find you passed out for some reason. You realize that you’ve missed the first ten minutes of Game of Thrones?”  
Crap. How was he going to explain that?  
“Don’t worry, we have it recording,” Elladan reassured him. He spun Aragorn’s chair around so that he was facing his brothers. “What’s going on? You look… keyed up.”  
“I’m fine.”  
Elladan stretched out on Aragorn’s bed. “You seem to be getting on well with Legolas.”  
Why did he have to go red now, why? “Yes, he’s great.” Aragorn stared hard at his shoes.  
“Oh. Oh. He’s great, is he?” Elrohir was suddenly grinning from ear to ear.  
His idiot brothers could read him too well. Aragorn refused to answer.   
“So how great is he, exactly?” Elladan smirked. “I mean, are we talking boyfriend material, or just casual fun?”  
“I – not – he –” Aragorn spluttered incoherently as his brothers howled with laughter.   
“Well, I can see why you’re keyed up.” Elrohir winked at him. “Come and have a chat with me before you see him again, brother. I’ve got a lot to teach you.”  
Aragorn idly wondered about taking out his sword – a present from Ada for his fifteenth birthday – either to run his brothers through, or to see if the metal would melt from the heat when exposed to his face.  
“Go away,” he muttered.  
“Sure, Estel. Trust me, you’ll be wanting Elrohir’s advice sooner or later.”  
The two of them left, howling with laughter that was surely loud enough for the neighbors to hear. Aragorn swore heavily before closing down the internet and shoving the notebook into his bag. He fell asleep thinking pleasant thoughts of Legolas.   
He got up early the next day to search out a paper bag, finally scrounging one from recycling. After making sure it smelled clean enough, Aragorn folded it into his notebook before heading down for breakfast. The twins both sniggered upon his appearance, and he did his best to eat in dignified silence. Even Ada looked amused.   
He was just packing his books when his phone pinged with a message.  
Bring needle and thread to school, please. Legolas.  
“Fuck!” Aragorn dropped the phone, scrabbling on the floor for a few moments before recovering it.   
“Estel? You ok?”  
He’d been about to call Legolas, but Elladan was there, looking concerned.   
“I’m fine, El, just give me a moment. I’ll meet you downstairs, alright?”  
Elladan mercifully departed, and Aragorn realized that he didn’t have time to call Legolas. There was barely enough time to get what he needed before they left for school.   
He hurried through to his father’s medical room, rummaging through the supplies. Needle. Thread. Surgical tape and scissors. Bandages. Disinfectants. Antibiotics. Local anesthetic. Pain killers. What else? He briefly wondered if his father had antidepressants in here, but he didn’t have time to look, because footsteps were approaching.   
Aragorn grabbed a spare satchel and stuffed the supplies inside, hiding the bag under his blazer.  
“Estel?” Elrond poked his head into the room. “Did you need something? You usually avoid this room at all costs – I recall your brothers had to drag you in here the last time.”  
“I was just – um – Gimli asked if I could bring some bandages for this play that some of the juniors are putting on. As a prop.”  
It was clear that Elrond didn’t believe his lie. Ada had always been able to tell when he wasn’t being honest.   
“Estel? What is it? What is wrong?”  
Crap. What now? “I – Ada – I can’t say. I made a promise. It’s not… it’s not my story to tell. If I can’t handle it… I’ll tell you, or I’ll tell someone, I swear. For now, I just need to deal with this alone.”  
Elrond’s face softened. “Alright, Estel. You know you can always talk to me.”  
“Yes, Ada. Thank you.”  
To his relief, Elrond said no more of it. Aragorn was practically twitching as the car neared school. His brothers thought he was impatient to see Legolas – and he was, but not for the reasons they imagined.   
Legolas was waiting in the parking lot. He was as pale as a sheet, and Aragorn watched with worry as his father frowned at the blonde. Knowing he had to get Legolas out of sight if he was to avoid an examination from Elrond, Aragorn hurried to his side.  
“Come this way,” he murmured. Fortunately, Faramir had told him where to go if he ever wanted alone time with someone. This wasn’t the kind of alone time he’d ever hoped to need, but Aragorn was eternally grateful for the privacy as he tugged Legolas under the bleachers, where they were hidden from sight.  
“Show me,” he murmured, urging the other boy to sit, since it didn’t look like he could stand for much longer.  
“I’m sorry,” Legolas whispered. “I didn’t mean to – it was an accident. The blade was sharper than I thought.”  
“Show me,” Aragorn repeated, trying his best to remain calm.  
Legolas rolled up his sleeves and started undoing bloody strips of cloth that bound his arms. Aragorn gasped as the wounds were revealed.  
“Legolas! You should have been in hospital after this happened!”  
“Couldn’t… father would have found out.”  
Aragorn bit his tongue to hold back his lectures. Those could wait. These wounds couldn’t. He gently examined Legolas’ arms, easing up when the blonde winced at his light touch.  
“Ok, these are all dried and scabbed up, so they’ll need to be moistened before I can disinfect and stitch them. Hang on.”  
Aragorn wet some bandages with water from the bottle in his bag and placed them gently over Legolas’ arms. “This may take up to half an hour. It would work better with warm water, but…  
“Half an hour? Class starts in fifteen minutes, Estel!”  
“Don’t worry, I’ll get Gimli to cover for us. No, don’t freak out, I won’t tell him why. Trust me, he’s got my back.”  
Aragorn sent the text, not waiting for Gimli’s reply. He sat down next to Legolas and put an arm around him. “Talk to me.”  
“I can’t.”  
“Yes, you can.”  
“No, I can’t. If I talk to you about… stuff… I’ll break down completely, and I won’t be able to put myself back together before school starts, and them people will start asking questions –”  
“Ok, ok, I understand,” Aragorn said quickly. “But this afternoon, you’re coming over to my house, and then we’ll talk, alright?”  
“Alright,” Legolas said in a small voice.   
“Hey, you’re all tense. Here, just relax.”  
He moved behind the blonde and started massaging his tight shoulders. Legolas moaned softly and let his head fall back. “Oh Estel, where did you learn to do that?”  
“My father’s a doctor, remember? Elladan had months of physical therapy after he broke his leg, Ada taught me how to massage properly then.”  
“Right there,” Legolas murmured. “Mhmmm, yes…”   
Aragorn kept massaging, trying to ignore his rapidly rising cock. The sounds Legolas was making were driving him crazy. The bell for class rang, jolting him out of his thoughts. Aragorn checked on the other boy’s arms, to find that they were ready for the next stage.  
“Alright, I’m going to put the anesthetic in before I disinfect, which will numb it, but the injections will hurt.”  
“Anesthetic? And here I thought I was going to have to bite down on a piece of wood and pass out. You father has trained you more than I thought.”  
“If he knew I was doing this, he’d murder me,” Aragorn groaned. “The most I’ve ever done is a couple of stitches under his supervision, though I’ve seen the rest enough times. Still, it would probably be better for me to take you to the nurse…”  
“No!”  
“Yeah, I thought so. Don’t blame me if you get scars, though.”  
“I already have scars. A few more won’t make any difference.”  
Legolas winced as the injections went in. Aragorn silently prayed he was doing this right. He used the scissors to poke the entire area when he was done, ensuring Legolas had no feeling whatsoever. The pinched look left the blonde’s face, and Aragorn realized that he must have been in more pain than he was letting on.  
“Ok, now for the disinfectant. This will be cold, and you’ll feel me touching you, but it shouldn’t hurt. Stop me if it does.”  
Legolas took a deep breath and looked away. Aragorn could see his pulse beating rapidly in his neck. Once he was satisfied that the deep wounds were clean, he pulled out the sterile needle and surgical thread. This was the hard part. Slowly, he pushed the needle through the skin on either side of the gash, tugging the stitch closed and making a little knot at the end.  
“Right, that’s one done. Unfortunately, you’ll need about eighteen to get all of these closed.”  
“Distract me,” Legolas murmured, looking like he might faint. “I don’t like this.”  
“Oh, sure – um, did you do that English essay last night?”  
“I did. You?”  
“No, I was doing… other stuff. What did you write about?”  
“I was comparing classic book versus television adaptations.”  
“Nice. That must have been interesting to write. I’m thinking of looking at the casting characteristics in different genres.” Film study wasn’t his favorite part of English, but Aragorn did alright in it.   
The entire first period was gone by the time he’d finished the stitches, but it went quickly. He and Legolas never seemed to run out of things to talk about, and he found himself having fun, despite the bizarre setting.  
“Bandages are going on now. You need to keep this dry for at least a week, then I’ll check on it. These are antibiotics – take one, three times a day with food. And painkillers here, take two as needed, no more than every eight hours, also with food.”  
“With food?”  
Ah hell, he’d forgotten about that. “Yes, with food, unless you want the medicine to chow your stomach lining. You can forgo the painkillers – though I don’t recommend it – but you need to take the antibiotics, alright?”  
“Alright,” Legolas said softly. “Thanks, Estel. I’ve got a spare shirt here, just let me get changed.”  
Aragorn checked that the coast was clear while Legolas got dressed. “We’re in different classes in second period, but I want you to come find me if you need me, ok? If you feel like cutting, come find me. If you think you’re going to have a panic attack, come find me. I photocopied my schedule for you, and you have my number. Promise me you’ll call if you need me.”  
“I promise,” Legolas mumbled. “Thank you, Estel.”  
Aragorn pulled him into a hug. “It is my pleasure, my friend.” He pressed a light kiss to Legolas’ lips, which did what he intended and brought a smile to the other boy. “Now come on, we’re late for class.”  
Hand in hand, they headed back to school.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4  
Legolas

Legolas couldn’t quite believe what had just happened. He’d met Estel yesterday. Yesterday. Any sane person would be running for the hills, not stitching up their crazed friend under the school bleachers. Yet Estel stayed. Why?  
He stumbled into geography class, one of the few he didn’t share with Estel. He hoped Gimli had followed through on covering for them, because if he hadn’t, Legolas had no idea what excuse he could possibly come up with.  
The class was dragging by, and his arms were aching, the anesthetic fast wearing off. He wanted the painkillers. More importantly, he needed the antibiotics. He had to keep infection out, or he’d be discovered for sure… but that meant he’d have to eat, and Legolas couldn’t do that, at least not enough to satisfy the requirements for taking the medication.  
He only realized his breathing was edging on hyperventilation when Mrs. Fallin came quietly up to his desk. Legolas glanced up to see everyone else absorbed on some slide show.  
“Legolas, are you ok?” she whispered.  
He jerkily nodded his lie. “May I – may I use the bathroom, please?”  
“Of course, dear. Off you go, then.”  
He just made it out of the classroom before his legs collapsed. Legolas sat back against the wall for support and got out his phone with trembling hands. He tried to text Estel, but his hands were shaking so badly that he could barely hold phone. Eventually, he managed to get off one word. Help.  
Less than a minute later, Estel was running toward him from the end of the long tunnel of Legolas’ rapidly fading vision. The brunette took one look at him before lifting Legolas and carrying him as though he weighed nothing. The next thing he knew, they were in an empty classroom and the door was shut.  
Estel gently laid him in a chair, and rummaged through his bag. The other boy pressed a paper bag over Legolas’ mouth, and Legolas immediately cringed away in panic.  
“No, don’t fight it. Just breathe into the paper bag. Trust me, it’ll help.”  
At this point, he was willing to try anything that would help. The bag made a harsh crunching noise as it rapidly expanded and collapsed.  
“Good, now try to breathe slowly for me. I’m going to count it out for you, and you’re going to follow, alright? Now, breathe in for one, two, three, four, breathe out for five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten. Wait for one, two, three. Start over, in for one, two, three, four…”  
Legolas lost himself in the pattern; he didn’t have much success in following it at first, but after several minutes, he found – miraculously – that his breathing had returned almost to normal. Estel finally removed the paper bag from his mouth.  
Legolas just stared at him. “How did you do that?”  
“I told you I was going to help you, remember. How are you feeling?”  
He cringed at the question. “I can’t talk about it. Not here, not now.”  
“Alright,” Estel said gently.   
They sat in silence for several minutes before Legolas spoke. “I should get back to class.”  
“Do you feel well enough to go back to class?”  
No. “I have to. I can’t miss classes on my second day. My dad would worry.”  
Estel pursed his lips, but didn’t comment. “If you’re sure, I’ll walk you back to geography. The period is almost over, but you can at least collect your books and things.”  
“Wait – Estel.” There was one thing Legolas needed from him. “You have to promise me. You said that if you can’t help me, you’ll tell someone. Before you do, you have to tell me you’ll do it. At least a few day’s notice, so that I can mentally prepare myself. You have to understand… it’s hard, having you knowing. Having someone else – I need to prepare.”  
“Of course, Legolas. I will give you time to prepare, if that’s what you need.”  
Thank God. He didn’t suspect. Legolas hurried back to geography in time to collect his bags and dodge a concerned query from Mrs. Fallin. He was grateful that he had one more class without Estel. There was something he needed to do.  
Legolas had no intention of sticking around long enough for anyone else to find out his secrets. When Estel gave him the word, he’d be gone before the brunette could spill the beans to anyone. He just needed to decide how to do it.  
He ignored the class completely and flipped through his notebook. Under various fantasies were jotted notes of research he’d done. He had to pick the best way to do it. He still favored the idea of jumping off a cliff, but as far as he knew, there weren’t any handy cliffs nearby.   
The most effective of the methods left to him would probably be hanging. Legolas debated between suspension and drop hanging, but eventually decided that drop hanging had too much risk of the rope breaking, even if suspension was very painful. He already had a rope, and his room had an attachment for a hammock that would work just as well for a noose.   
That decided, he circled the method and jotted down a few more notes, detailing the timing of his demise and the deal he’d made with Estel. Legolas smiled in relief. The pain would be over. When Estel lost patience with him and handed him over to someone else, that would finally be the push Legolas needed to do it.   
For now, perhaps he could actually enjoy a few moments of happiness with Estel. The brunette brought out things in him that he’d thought were lost. When it all came to an end, Legolas would like some sweet memories to cling to as he gasped his final breaths. All of his old happy memories involved his mother, which meant he couldn’t recall them without the attendant pain. With Estel, he could start anew.   
Unfortunately, it came at a price. Since Estel had found out, everything had become harder. Just holding himself together for a single day was looking damn-near impossible. How would he last however many days or weeks it took Estel to get tired of him?  
His arms were really throbbing now, and he spent the remainder of the class trying his best not to let the pain show on his face. English with Estel was next, and he hurried eagerly over to the other boy. Gimli greeted him jovially, and Legolas did his best to respond in kind.   
“Hey. How are you doing?” Estel spoke so quietly that only Legolas could hear him.  
“I – Estel, my arms hurt. And I still haven’t taken the antibiotic.”  
“The antibiotic can wait until lunch, but if you need the painkiller now, I’ve got an apple in my bag.”  
“No, you don’t understand,” Legolas hissed. “I can’t eat, how can I take the pills?”  
“You have to eat,” Estel said under his breath.  
“No, I can’t!” Legolas could feel hysteria rising again. “You don’t understand, I –”  
“Legolas, breathe and just listen to me for a minute. At lunch today, you and I are going to go somewhere private with a large variety of foods. We will try out different things until we find something you can stomach. We will make a plan, I promise.”  
There was no plan that could be made for this. Legolas would just have to pray that his arms didn’t get infected without the antibiotics. If they did, he’d have to bear it silently, either until the infection killed him or got better by itself. There was no other option. As for the pain, what was his life but pain recently? He could suck up a bit more.  
He forced himself to breathe slowly as Estel had shown him earlier. Estel reached under the desk and squeezed his hand. His presence was calming, and Legolas found himself better able to focus in this class.   
Lunch was fast approaching, and when it did, Estel took him back under the bleachers. As he’d promised, he had samples of what looked like every food in the cafeteria. It made Legolas feel ill just looking at it. His control was already so shaky, he was sure that even one bite of food would break him.  
Perhaps Estel sensed his panic, because he put the tray aside and sat down next to Legolas, taking his hand and kissing it. Legolas looked up at him, amazed at the idea that Estel might still want him, even knowing how crazy he was.  
He couldn’t fail to recognize the look of desire, and he wasn’t sure who moved first, but then it didn’t matter as their lips met in a kiss that started gentle, but quickly escalated into a fierce battle of tongues that had Legolas panting.   
He kissed Estel until he was dizzy, and then they kissed some more. When Estel finally broke away to catch his breath, Legolas fell into his chest, unable to support himself any longer. He realized that he had that silly grin back on his face.   
“Legolas… can I ask you something?”  
“Sure,” he said without thinking, and immediately regretted it, but Estel didn’t ask him about any of his secrets.  
“Would you like to go out with me sometime? Like on a date?”  
“Are you asking me to be your boyfriend?”  
Estel hesitated. “Yes. Yes, I guess I am.”  
“Then my answer is yes, Estel.” Legolas captured the brunette’s lips in another scorching kiss, wondering if Estel could burn away the sadness inside him. They kissed for several more minutes before Legolas had to stop lest he come in his pants. He regretted it at once, because Estel turned to the tray of food.  
“Now, I want you to look at this tray and pick something that looks vaguely edible. I’m not going to make you eat much, but you have to have something to take with the meds.  
Legolas was already shaking his head. “I can’t. I’ll buy a disinfectant cream or something, and I can deal with the pain.”  
“Please, Legolas you at least have to try. For me.”  
Legolas felt his bottom lip trembling. Estel was trying so hard to help him; surely, he owed it to his friend – his boyfriend – to try? Besides, if he didn’t, Estel would just decide to outsource this problem that much sooner, and he found that he didn’t want their time together to end just yet.  
Very reluctantly, Legolas gazed down at the tray. “I could try one of those crackers,” he suggested grudgingly.  
“Good, that’s a good start. Go ahead, try it.”  
Legolas bit off a tiny corner and immediately felt disgusting. No, no he couldn’t do this. “Forget it, I’ll get the disinfectant cream.”  
“It’s not just about the medication. You need to eat, Legolas, or it’s only a matter of time before you collapse again.”  
“I’ll power through it.”  
“You can only power through it for so long. Come on, just this one cracker, then I’ll leave you alone for about it for today.”  
It didn’t go as Estel had planned. He managed to coax the cracker into Legolas, but by the time he had finished, Legolas was crying so hard that he threw up.   
“Fuck, Legolas, you need help,” Estel murmured, pulling him into a tight hug. “Help I can’t give you.”  
“No – no, Estel, not yet! Please, not yet!”  
“Why not yet? The sooner we get you proper, qualified help, the sooner you’ll be feeling better.”  
“No I won’t. You promised – you said you’d try. Please, don’t give up yet. I ate the stupid cracker, Estel, I’m trying, I swear.”  
“Alright, alright, hush now.” They were somehow lying down on the ground, and Legolas was in Estel’s arms. He tried frantically to get a hold of himself, but he was rapidly falling apart and he couldn’t stop it.  
“Let go,” Estel murmured. “You don’t need to hold your pain in, not with me. Let it go.”  
It seemed he didn’t have much of a choice, because his mind was rampaging into meltdown mode without his consent. Legolas clung desperately to Estel’s shirt, sobbing into his boyfriend’s chest. Estel’s warm, firm arms encircled him and he murmured comforting words in Legolas’ ear.  
Legolas had always tried to hide his pain, ever since he was a child. He hated to worry others, to make them suffer just because of his suffering. He couldn’t even remember the last time anyone had seen him cry, other than Estel.   
Perhaps holding things in for so many years had been a mistake, because it all seemed determined to come out right here and now. Legolas pressed his mouth to Estel’s shoulder to stop a low wail from coming out of his mouth. His heart was tearing apart with pain even he didn’t fully understand.  
“That’s right, let go,” Estel whispered. “You’re doing well, Legolas. I promise, it will get easier. I’ll help you.”  
The bell rang for class, and Legolas tried to stagger up. Estel helped him. “Are you sure you can go to class? I can get Ada to write us sick notes, if you need.”  
“I doubt he’d do it without asking what’s wrong, and we’re not telling him that.” Legolas tried mightily to stop the tears. He needed to cut, but if he got the box cutter out of his pocket now, Estel would surely confiscate it. “Just give me a minute.”  
Be strong, keep it together! People are watching you. Legolas kept up the stern lecture while he fished some makeup out of his bag. He used it to cover his cuts when they were all closed, so that he could wear short sleeves. Unfortunately, lately he didn’t have any spare patch of skin that had healed enough to handle makeup, but it would work just as well for his face.  
Estel held up a mirror while Legolas did a tolerable job of hiding his blotchy cheeks. He could do nothing for his watery eyes, and blinked rapidly, trying to dispel the last of the tears. He turned to Estel and tried to infuse a confident tone into his voice. “Alright. I’m ready.”


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5  
Aragorn

To Aragorn’s relief, Legolas got through the rest of the day alright. He didn’t like how withdrawn the blonde became, but he also knew that Legolas wouldn’t entertain the idea of becoming distraught in front of others, so he didn’t push.  
They got drawn into light conversation between classes. Aragorn was rapidly coming to realize that he loved nothing more than talking to Legolas – except maybe kissing him.   
“So what about Arwen? Why’s she in boarding school? Your family seems so close.”  
“We are. Ada was sad when she left, but he understood why she wanted to go. She was at a point in her life when she was really struggling with her mother’s death. She needed some space. Hopefully it’ll only be for a year.”  
“Her mother? Not your mother too?”  
“Oh, no, I’m adopted. Elrond is the only father I’ve known since I was two, but I never knew Celebrian. She died the year before my birth parents did. My birth father was best friends with Elrond. Ada took me in without a second thought.   
“Anyway, Arwen was really young when Celebrian passed, but she still remembers her, at least a little. She started really struggling, and her psychologist suggested a change of scenery, at least for a while. She goes to stay with her grandparents on weekends, they live close to the school she’s enrolled in.”  
Legolas was quiet, digesting this for a moment. “That must have been hard. Losing your sister.”  
“I didn’t lose her, at least not forever,” Aragorn said gently, knowing that Legolas was thinking of his own recent loss, which was all too permanent. He paused, wondering if Legolas wanted to talk about it, but the blonde changed the subject.   
It was almost last period when he found himself pushing Legolas up against the lockers and kissing him. Those lips were just too tempting. Legolas responded eagerly, and for a few moments of bliss, he lost himself, until something hit him hard on the arm.  
“Fag!” Saruman spat, ramming his shoulder into Aragorn as he passed.  
Aragorn looked up at him, ready for a fight, but then he caught sight of who was behind the other boy. He couldn’t help it. He laughed, laughed so hard that he was soon doubled over and gasping for air. It wasn’t the reaction Saruman had been hoping for and he stalked off.  
“Estel? May I ask what is so funny?” Legolas looked bothered by the comment, which Aragorn would have been too if not for the almost comical looks of outrage on Elladan’s and Elrohir’s faces.  
“He – he said that in front of – my brothers,” Aragorn chuckled, still overcome with mirth.  
Legolas glanced around, but saw nothing; the twins were already gone. “So what?”  
“Ah, you should have seen their faces, Legolas. We should wait here, this will be worth being a few minutes late for class for.”  
“What will?”  
Aragorn just grinned. “You’ll see.”  
Several minutes later, a loud crashing noise had Legolas jumping. Aragorn sniggered and leaned his head back against the locker, enjoying the sounds. Someone was being slammed hard against a wall, as well as hard against fists, and he thought he heard metal somewhere. The fencing classroom kept a few longswords for display. The blades were blunted for safety, but they were still heavy; the pommels and hilts would make excellent bludgeoning weapons.  
At the sound of screaming, Legolas made to move toward the noise, but Aragorn grabbed his hand. “Best to remain above suspicion. Just wait.”  
Several minutes later, Saruman reappeared, crawling across the hall to the infirmary. From what Aragorn could see, he had a broken nose, broken arm, sprained ankle, dislocated shoulder, two black eyes, at least a dozen pommel-shaped bruises and was bleeding from several places where it looked like the force of a blunt blade had split his flesh.  
His legs couldn’t take it, and Aragorn fell down, barely able to breathe for laughter.   
“Remind me never to piss off your brothers,” Legolas muttered. “Mind, that probably won’t be relevant, because they’ll be in jail after this.”  
“You underestimate them. Saruman will be looking over his shoulder for the twins for years. Trust me, he won’t say a word – he’ll be more likely to name his best friend than El.”  
“Your family is fucking terrifying,” Legolas mumbled.  
“We protect our own.”  
“Psychotic,” Legolas added for emphasis. Aragorn just smiled.   
When the last period was over, Aragorn found his brothers waiting in the parking lot and enveloped both of them in a hug, while Legolas stood back and smiled nervously at them. He didn’t need to say anything. The twins understood.  
“Seems Saruman took an unfortunate fall down the stairs,” Elrohir said lightly. “I heard him telling the nurse about it.”  
All four of them burst out laughing.   
Elrond picked him and the twins up, smiling at Legolas when Aragorn asked if he could come and visit. His father seemed troubled, but Aragorn was still in high spirits after the twins’ defense of him, and didn’t ask what was wrong.  
His high spirits rapidly tanked when they got home. He and Legolas tried to retreat to his room, but the twins barged in, their arms full of books, both grinning widely.  
Elrohir plopped down next to him. “Estel, we told you to talk to us before you saw him again.”  
Oh no. Please no.  
“Though I suppose it’s best if you’re both here,” Elladan continued.  
Someone, kill him now.  
“No, El,” he whispered frantically. “No.”  
“Yes, Estel, this is for your own good, you know.”  
Legolas stared in confusion at his rapidly mounting horror. “What…?”  
“Run,” Aragorn advised. Elladan kicked the door closed and planted himself in front of it. Crap, Legolas wasn’t ever going to want to see him again after this.  
Elrohir opened the book to a very graphic picture that may at any other time be interesting, but now had Aragorn closing his eyes in dread. “We have a lot to teach you, little brother. First, lesson, lubrication.”  
Legolas suddenly realized what was going on and hid his face in his hands.  
“No, Legolas, you need to see this too. Now, look at this picture here. See what he’s doing with his fingers?”  
Never had Aragorn wished more that he could sink into a hole in the ground and remain there. The lecture went on for over an hour. To his credit, Elrohir was very professional, keeping his tone disinterested and factual.   
When Elladan informed them that they would be a test on this later, and if their comprehension wasn’t up to par, the lesson would be repeated, both Aragorn and Legolas did their best to pay attention. Aragorn tried to lose himself in the facts and forget that he was having the most embarrassing conversation of his life.  
When the twins finally left, Aragorn groaned and lay back on the bed, exhausted by the ordeal. He was still waiting for Legolas to flee, now that the door was unblocked, but he didn’t. In fact, he did the last thing Aragorn would have expected – he laughed.  
“What, exactly is so funny?”  
“Well, I never expected to learn about this in quite that manner. It was very informative, you have to give them that.”  
“It was mortifying! They’re my brothers.”  
Legolas shrugged. “Doesn’t mean we can’t take some of their tips. I for one an interested in –”  
A knock on the door caused him to break off. “GO AWAY EL!” Aragorn hollered. “I hate you both!”  
“I’ll be sure to pass the message along.”  
Ada. Thank God.  
“May I come in?”  
“As long as you don’t plan to talk to us about sex, sure.”  
Elrond stepped inside, smiling gently. “I think the twins were pretty thorough.” Aragorn and Legolas both blushed. “Estel, I would like to speak to you for a minute in my office, please.”  
“Oh. Ok, sure. Just – that was the last of it right? With Elladan and Elrohir?”  
“That was the last of it, unless you have any questions. This is about something else, I promise.”  
Elrond looked uncharacteristically grave as Aragorn sat down opposite him. “Did you know, Estel, that I keep a very exact records of what I have in my medical room?”  
Oh no.  
“Um, no, I didn’t.”  
“Well, I do. I know exactly what you took this morning.” Elrond leaned forward and spoke very gently. “Estel, I need to know why you took those supplies.”  
He couldn’t meet his father’s gaze. “Ada, I can’t.”  
“This is very serious. Anyone with wounds deep enough that they need stitching should be getting supplies from a doctor or a hospital, not from you. Whatever it is, I can help.”  
“It’s not my story to tell,” he repeated.  
Elrond gave him The Eyebrow, and Aragorn winced, but remained silent under its umbrage. “Estel. This is not a request. Someone is in trouble and needs help, and I will know who and why.”  
“I can’t,” he whispered. “I swear, Ada, I will tell you, but I can’t yet. I swore I’d try first. I can’t break my word.”  
“A person’s health and safety is more important than keeping a promise, Estel.”  
He just shook his head, hating Elrond’s disappointed sigh. “I wanted to do this the easy way, but I’m afraid I can’t let your misguided sense of honor harm the son of my friend.”  
“W-what?”   
“Perhaps you and I should talk to Legolas about this together.”  
He knew. How could he know? Ada always knew, that was how. And now, Legolas would think Aragorn had betrayed him.  
Aragorn was barely aware of the chair falling backward as he fled. He sped to his room and slammed the door behind him.  
“Estel, what’s wrong?”  
“Ada knows,” he whispered. “I swear, Legolas, I didn’t tell him. It’s like he has a sixth sense, sometimes.”  
“He knows? What does he know!”  
“I don’t know! Please, you have to believe me, I didn’t say anything.”  
“I believe you, Estel, I do – but is he going to tell my dad? Is he –?”  
Legolas broke off again when the door opened. Elrond walked in slowly, as though afraid one of them would spook and make a break for it, which wasn’t too far off the mark.   
Elrond sat down at Estel’s desk and fixed the two of them with a stern look. “Legolas, I want you to tell me what is going on with you.”  
“I’m fine, Dr. Peredhel.”  
“Elrond, please, and let’s forgo the pretense. Now, are you going to tell me, or shall I find out when I examine you?”  
Legolas was trembling as he edged behind Aragorn, silently begging for protection.   
“Ada, leave him alone! He’s not ready for this!”  
Elrond ignored him and spoke gently to Legolas. “I want to help you. I can, if you’ll let me.”  
“You’ll tell my father,” Legolas accused.   
“Yes,” Elrond admitted.   
“Then leave me alone! I want to go home, Estel. Can you take me home?”  
“Yes.” Aragorn got up and glared at his father, but Elrond stood in front of the door, blocking the way. Legolas was panting in panic and Aragorn feared he’d try to throw himself out of the window to escape, second story or not.  
“Legolas, breathe.” He forgot about Elrond and got out the paper bag, pulling Legolas so that he was resting against his chest. Aragorn positioned the paper bag and helped Legolas breathe into it. “Count with me now, in for one, two, three, four…”  
Elrond remained quiet as they worked in tandem for several minutes, until Legolas’ breathing finally stabilized.   
“You’re terrifying him!” Aragorn snapped angrily at his father. “Can’t you see that?”  
“I can see that, Estel. Legolas, listen to me. No one wants to hurt you. We are all trying to help you. There is nothing to fear, you understand?”  
Legolas was starting to hyperventilate again, and Aragorn put himself between his boyfriend and father. The blonde clung to him for support and a silent plea for protection.   
“You have to let me examine you.”  
“No! Stay away, don’t touch me!”  
To Aragorn’s great relief, Elrond backed off.   
“Alright, Legolas, I won’t touch you if you don’t want me to, but if you won’t talk to me, I can’t help you.”  
“Don’t care,” Legolas mumbled. “Don’t need help.”  
“And I’m going to have to tell your father. No, don’t panic, listen to me. You need professional help, and you’re a minor, you can’t get that kind of help without Thran. He will support you, you don’t need to worry about that.”  
Legolas clutched Aragorn so tightly that he was sure his circulation was being cut off. “Home. Estel, please, I need to go home. Help me.”  
“Right, that’s enough! Ada, get out of the way! Legolas is my boyfriend, and I won’t have you scaring him or threatening him. I am taking him home right now, and you will move out of the way.”  
“Estel –”  
But Aragorn was past reasoning. He yanked his sword down from the wall and levelled it at his father. “MOVE!” Of course, he wouldn’t cut Elrond with it, but he was confident that he could use the flat of the blade to knock him out.  
“Ok, Estel, just put the sword down.”  
Elrond slowly backed away, his hands in the air. Aragorn put an arm around Legolas’ waist and helped support him as they stumbled through the house.   
When they were outside, Legolas pulled out of his grasp. “I can run, Estel. Hold him off, please. You promised me a few days.”  
“I may only be able to promise you a few hours now…”  
“Fine, just do the best you can. And Estel – thank you.”  
Then Legolas was kissing him, kissing him in a way that terrified Aragorn, because it felt like his boyfriend was saying goodbye. A moment later, Legolas broke off and sprinted away. Only his promise roused him. Aragorn stalked back inside. He was just in time to knock the phone out of Elrond’s hands.  
“HOW DARE YOU!” he howled. “HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO HIM? DIDN’T YOU SEE HOW AFRAID HE WAS? HOW DISTRESSED? WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU, ADA!”  
Someone was wrestling the sword out of his hand – one of the twins, he thought – but Aragorn didn’t care. He flung himself at Elrond, shoving him hard in the chest. Elrond staggered back a step and put his arms around Aragorn. Aragorn struggled fiercely, but he was no match for his father. “Hush, Estel, it will be alright,” he whispered.  
Suddenly unable to fight anymore, Aragorn’s struggles ceased as he burst into tears, going limp in Elrond’s arms. “How will it be alright?” he cried. “I promised him – he’ll never trust me again!”  
“Ssh, listen to me, Estel. You are still a child, my son. This is too much for any child to deal with. You are stressed and overwhelmed, but I will not let you deal with this alone anymore. I will help you, and Legolas.”  
Some part of him was relieved. Ever since he’d found out the true extent of Legolas’ problems, Aragorn had felt completely out of his depth. Elrond held him as he cried, rocking him gently.   
“It will be ok, son. I am here now, I will help.”  
He lost himself in his Ada’s comfort, comfort he desperately needed.   
When Aragorn finally sniffled himself into silence, Elrond brushed his hair back fondly. “Now, Estel, you need to tell me everything that has been going on with Legolas.”  
Aragorn did. There was no point in hiding now. Elrond knew, if not the details, and the details he would know soon enough – he would drag them out of Legolas if necessary. And Aragorn desperately needed to talk about this.   
Elrond listened silently for the most part, but stiffened when Aragorn told him about stitching up Legolas’ arms. Ada made him describe the procedure three times before he was satisfied Aragorn had done everything right and caused no harm, though he’d have to examine Legolas to be sure.   
When Aragorn finally finished, Elrond rocked him for a little longer before speaking. “Oh, my Estel, you have such a big heart. I know you are doing your best to help, but you have to let me take it from here. I am sure you will be an invaluable aid to Legolas, but it won’t all be on you anymore.”  
That just had him crying again, but Elrond never lost patience. He cooed soft, consoling words until Aragorn was once more calm.   
“Now, come. Let us pack up Legolas’ things, and then we will head over to his house. I will call Thran and warn him we’re coming. This is a conversation best had in person.”  
Aragorn took the tissue Elrond offered and blew his nose. “Thanks, Ada. And… I’m sorry for threatening you with a sword.”  
“No harm done, Estel, though I hope you don’t expect me to trust you with a sword again in your room for some time. You’ll have to earn that right back.”  
“Fine, I suppose I deserve that.” It was the least of his worries right now.   
The two of them went to Aragorn’s room and started packing Legolas’ bag, since the books had fallen out in the scuffle and were scattered all over the floor. Aragorn picked up a plain black notebook that had fallen open. He was about to close it when the drawing inside caught his eye. It was someone being hung.  
Aragorn read the multiple notes underneath, and felt the blood draining from his face.   
“Ada…” he whispered.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6  
Legolas

It took him longer than he would have liked to get home. Though it was only a few blocks away, Legolas was periodically struck down by dizziness, sometimes having to sit for minutes before he could continue his wild flight.  
He’d never been so relieved to get home. His father was at work, but he would return the moment Elrond called him. How much time could Estel buy him? Legolas felt a twinge of guilt when he realized how Estel would feel after discovering that he’d in fact been buying his boyfriend time to kill himself.  
The guilt wasn’t enough to stay his hand, though. Legolas pelted up to his room. There was no lock on the door, but desperation lent him strength as he pushed the bed against it, effectively blocking the entrance.  
His rope was waiting for him. Legolas grabbed his desk chair and quickly tied it to the hammock attachment. He’d already made a noose; that part had been done for weeks. Legolas smiled briefly as he slipped the rope over his head. In mere minutes, he would be free.  
He kicked the chair out from under him.  
Pain. He’d known there would be pain, of course, but holy hell, this hurt. Legolas’ body flinched and shook, and his hands automatically came up to his neck, trying to comfort the swiftly growing agony. It didn’t matter, though. His vision was quickly fading. The pain would end soon.  
He was vaguely aware of a crashing sound downstairs, but before he could think more of it, Legolas was swallowed by merciful blackness.  
It didn’t last. Painful, confused images and feelings assailed him. Legolas was aware of a mouth pressed to his, breathing air into his protesting lungs. He suddenly gasped on his own and started coughing violently. Someone was pulling him onto his side, urging him to breathe.  
He didn’t want to breathe, he wanted to be dead! His body denied him as Legolas gasped raggedly. Tears of defeat sprang to his eyes. He’d been too late. He was discovered, and Thranduil would make sure he never had another chance.  
“Legolas? Speak to me,” Estel begged.   
Legolas blinked, expecting to see his father, but instead, Estel and Elrond flickered into his vision, Elrond’s hands still resting on Legolas’ chest after reviving him.   
“E-Estel?” His throat hurt, but not as much as his heart. Legolas couldn’t stop the tears. Why hadn’t they let him go? He’d been so close!  
“I’m here.” He was limp as Estel held him close, crying into his hair.   
“I’m sorry,” Legolas whispered. He wasn’t sorry he’d tried to die, but he truly regretted Estel’s obvious pain.  
Estel just cried harder at this and the two of them clung to each other. “Why didn’t you tell me?” the brunette whispered.   
“You would have stopped me. How did you know?”  
“Your notebook. You left it at my house. I didn’t mean to look, but it fell open. I’m glad it did.”  
Before Legolas could think how to reply, the sound of cursing and stumbling had him looking up. Thranduil tripped over the shattered remains of the door and bumped his hip on the side of the bed as he staggered inside, his eyes taking in the rope still hanging from the ceiling and Legolas’ neck, which was undoubtedly covered in bruises.  
“Legolas,” he whispered brokenly.  
Legolas tried to stop his tears, to pull back his composure, spurred on by his father’s distress. He’d never meant to cause Thranduil any more pain. His body denied his urgent calls, in fact doing the opposite, for Legolas was becoming increasingly hysterical. The next thing he knew, he was being pulled from Estel’s arms and found himself sobbing into his father’s shoulder.  
“I’m sorry, dad!” he wailed. “I’m s-so – sorry…”  
“Hush, you do not need to apologize,” Thranduil whispered. “I am the one who is sorry. I should have realized how badly you were hurting…”  
The wail of sirens started up in the distance, rapidly coming closer.   
“That’ll be the ambulance.” Elrond got up and carefully edged his way out of the room. “I’ll go meet them outside.”  
Thranduil grabbed his friend’s hand before he could leave. “Thank you, El. I can’t even… thank you.”  
“Thank Estel, for without him, I suspect neither of us would have known before it was too late.”  
Thranduil nodded and met Estel’s eyes, some silent communication passing between them. Legolas, meanwhile, was struggling to get free.  
“I don’t need an ambulance! Send them away, dad, I’m fine.”  
“You are not fine,” Thranduil growled.   
Panic rapidly rising inside him, Legolas turned to his boyfriend. “Estel…” His eyes pleaded for help, and Estel took Legolas’ face in both of his hands.  
“It’ll be ok, Legolas. I will be with you, as will your father. It won’t be forever. You have to let them help you now.”  
Legolas shook his head, only vaguely aware of his breathing getting out of control. He heard Estel cursing and asking Thranduil if he had a paper bag, but the rest of the conversation was lost to him. Legolas was swallowed once more by blackness.  
When he next woke, he was in a hospital bed. There were voices around him, some he recognized, others he didn’t. Legolas kept his eyes squeezed shut, hoping they would leave him alone. This was a nightmare worse than any that had ever visited his dreams. He just wanted to go back, to keep his secrets hidden and safe, but now that they had been dragged into the open, he had no idea how to reclaim them.  
“Legolas? Are you awake?” Estel was holding his hand, and at his voice, Legolas found his eyes being drawn open.  
Elrond and Thranduil were speaking to a man he assumed was a doctor. Estel was sitting by his bedside, and a nurse was taking Legolas’ blood pressure.  
“Get me out of here,” he begged of Estel.  
Estel pressed a kiss to the back of his hand. “I cannot, and even if I could, I don’t think it would be a good idea. You need help, Legolas. Please, let these people help you.”  
Legolas shook his head mechanically, but was shocked out of his denial when Estel dropped his head into his hands, his shoulders shaking.  
“Estel?”  
The brunette looked up, tears streaming down his face. “Please, Legolas. For me. Please try. I d-don’t want to lose you.”  
Legolas wasn’t sure which of them moved first, but then he and Estel were embracing, and he didn’t know who was crying harder, unsure who was lending support to the other.   
Estel moved, slipping into bed next to him so that they could better hold each other. Legolas buried his head in the brunette’s shoulder, trying to pretend that there was no one else here, that they were alone.  
“I know you don’t want to burden others with your pain,” Estel whispered in his ear, “but the doctors here do not know you. Hearing of your pain will not hurt them. Besides, they are trained to deal with it. It’s literally their job. You will not hurt them. You can let go. Let them help you.”  
He was right, Legolas realized. The reasons he’d had for holding himself back from others didn’t apply here. Maybe it would be a relief to let go with someone other than Estel. He shot a doubtful look at the doctor, who was giving him a kind smile. Maybe… maybe he could do this.  
The doctor approached the bed. “Hello, Legolas. I’m Dr. Hanley. Would it be alright if I talked to you? Alone?”  
Legolas automatically clenched his arms tighter around Estel.   
“I’ll be right outside the door,” Estel assured him. “As soon as you’re done, I’ll come back, ok?”  
“Ok,” Legolas whispered. He knew that if he shouted for Estel, his boyfriend would come running, and only that allowed him to loosen his grip. Thranduil came over to the side of the bed. He’d clearly been crying, though he seemed calmer now.   
“I love you, Legolas.” He kissed Legolas’ forehead. “Tell the doctor everything, alright? We’re all here for you. We’re going to help you, I promise.”  
Legolas nodded, not meeting his father’s eyes, not wanting to break down again. Finally, everyone left, leaving him alone with Dr. Hanley.  
Legolas stared at his hands, unsure where to start.   
“Why did you try to kill yourself, Legolas?” Dr. Hanley asked gently.  
Legolas opened his mouth to reply, planning to brush the question off. Instead, he found himself talking, talking more openly than he had in years with anyone other than Estel. Dr. Hanley listened patiently while he confessed every wretched thought and emotion he’d had since his mother’s death, and even before then.  
As Estel had advised, he let go. It felt weird and wrong, but now that he’d started, Legolas found he couldn’t stop. He realized he was crying when tissues were handed to him. When he started hyperventilating, Dr. Hanley put something under his tongue, which amazingly calmed Legolas in mere minutes.  
He peeked up at the doctor and was relieved to find that Estel had been right. Dr. Hanley looked at him with sympathy, but it was clear that Legolas wasn’t breaking the doctor with his pain. Dr. Hanley could handle it.  
When he’d finally talked himself out, the only sound was the scratching of a pen as Dr. Hanley made notes.  
“What’s – what’s wrong with me?” Legolas asked hesitantly.  
“You’re depressed, and you have an eating disorder, as well as a lot of repressed feelings that are causing problems, which is to be expected considering you’ve been blocking them for so long. I’m going to put you on medication for the depression and the panic attacks. You’ll take it every morning, and I’ll also give you some pills that you can take as needed if you find yourself panicking or unable to sleep.   
“You’ll see me weekly for now, then monthly once we have the dosages right. I’m recommending you see a therapist three times a week, as well as a dietician, who can work with the therapist on an eating plan for you.”  
“I don’t – don’t want…” It was all too terrifying to contemplate.   
“Legolas, I’m going to need you to trust me on this. Your condition is very serious. You need the help. I promise, it will make you feel better.”  
“It won’t,” he whispered. “Only death will.”  
“Death is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. It may take some time, but think back. There were times when you enjoyed life, when you were happy, yes?”  
“Yes,” he admitted. “It’s so hard now, though.”  
“I know.” Dr. Hanley’s voice was filled with compassion, but more than that, with hope. “It won’t always be this hard. You have people who love you. Use them, use their support. That will help just as much as the therapy and medication will.”  
“I can’t – I don’t want to hurt my dad more than I already have.”  
“Hiding hurts him more,” Dr. Hanley said firmly. “You will hurt him less in the long run if you show him your pain, and allow him to help heal it.”  
“How do you know that?”  
“I have seen many patients,” Dr. Hanley said gently. “As well as the families of those patients. When you love someone, you will always worry for them, whether they’re struggling or not, whether they talk about their problems or not. He’s your father, Legolas. Let him help you. He needs to help you just as much as you need to be helped.”  
Legolas wasn’t convinced, but it appeared that Dr. Hanley wasn’t going to insist on his compliance, at least not right now. “How long do I need to stay here for?”  
“At least a few days. After that, if you’re responding well to the medication, you can go home, but you’ll still have to see me, as well as the therapist and the dietician.”  
“And – and school?”  
“That is up to you. I’d recommend taking some time off school, but if you’d prefer, you can keep going. Your father and I can talk to your teachers and explain things to them, so that they can make allowances for you when needed.”  
The thought of more people knowing was terrifying, but Legolas didn’t want to miss any more school than he was already going to. “I’ll go back to school.”  
“Alright, but if it’s too much for you, you say something, alright? You can always catch up the work. Your health is what’s important right now. One more thing, Legolas. If you want to leave the hospital, you’ll need to let us help you eat. If you won’t eat, you’ll have to remain here to be fed from an IV until you do.”  
The last requirement made what had seemed hard before now seem downright impossible. Legolas didn’t think he could do it. Completely overwhelmed, he turned his face into the mattress as he once more started crying.   
“Tell me what you’re thinking,” Dr. Hanley urged.  
“I just w-want things – to go back – to how they were,” Legolas sobbed. “This is all too much. I –” He trailed off, unsure how to express the mess inside his head.  
“I know it’s overwhelming, but this is what’s needed for you to get better. If you truly can’t handle it, then you let me know. We can admit you to a longer-term psychiatric facility if necessary.”  
Legolas was already shaking his head. He just wanted to go home and pretend none of this had ever happened.   
“We will try doing this on an outpatient basis for now, if that’s what you want, and see how things go. Before I let your family back in, let me take a look at your physical wounds.”  
Legolas lay still as the doctor examined his neck and looked into his throat. “You will be sore for a while, but there is no lasting damage done. Now, show me your arms.”  
Dr Hanley examined the stitches carefully. “Who did these?”  
“Estel.”  
“Your boyfriend? How old is he?”  
“Sixteen, almost seventeen.”  
Dr. Hanley shook his head slowly. “Well, he’s done a good job for someone untrained. If this happens again, please come to me? This kind of thing really should be done by a doctor.”  
Legolas found himself agreeing, after which Estel, Elrond and Thranduil were allowed back in. Dr. Hanley spent a long time talking to Thranduil, but Legolas wasn’t paying attention to that. Estel was back in bed with him, and he cried quietly into his boyfriend’s shoulder.  
He still wasn’t entirely sure about Dr. Hanley, but with Estel, Legolas felt comfortable displaying his weakness. He clutched tightly to the brunette as the barriers in his mind once more fell. In the security of his boyfriend’s arms, Legolas let go.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7  
Aragorn

Legolas was in hospital for a week. It took him that long to agree to eat by himself, and then only because he desperately wanted to go home. Aragorn visited him twice a day – Ada got permission for him to leave school at lunch, and he went every evening as well.  
If the blonde was doing better, Aragorn had yet to see any sign of it. Legolas was still a mess, though he was at least talking to his doctor and therapist.   
“Estel?” Elrond knocked and came in. “I just heard from Thranduil, Legolas is getting out tomorrow.”  
“Tomorrow! That’s excellent, Ada, does that mean he’s better?”  
“No, Estel, it doesn’t mean he’s better. This is going to be a long process. But it is a hopeful step.”  
“I should call him, he’s probably worried about going back to school –”  
“Not just yet. I am worried about you, son. You’re trying so hard to be there for Legolas – and doing a very good job at it, I might add – but I can see the toll this is taking on you.”  
Aragorn shrugged. He couldn’t deny that he was stressed and exhausted, but what choice was there? “What do you want me to do? I’m not going to abandon him.”  
“No, and I would not ask that of you. However, I do want you to take better care of yourself. Take some time to do something relaxing, something just for you.”  
“I’m not sure, Ada… my homework is piling up as it is…”  
“Your health is more important than school work. Tonight, after dinner, you will join your brothers and me in the lounge. We’ll watch a movie together. Does that sound good?”  
It did. It would sound better with Legolas, but Aragorn got his Ada’s point. He wouldn’t be any good to his boyfriend if he collapsed. “It does. Thanks, Ada.”  
Elrond kissed his brow before leaving him alone. Feeling slightly calmer after their talk, Aragorn texted Legolas and settled to doing some of his neglected homework, hoping he could get at least part of it done before dinner.  
The next morning, Elrond swung by Legolas’ house to pick him up on the way to school. Aragorn went to the door to meet him. He looked as thin as ever, but Aragorn supposed it would take time for him to put on weight.  
“Hey.” They kissed, but broke away when they heard the twins sniggering.   
“Hey.” Legolas gave him a strained smile before turning for the car.  
“You sure you want to be back at school? Ada even offered to let me take some time off if you do. We can take summer classes or something.”  
“No, I can go back. I’m fine.”  
Aragorn didn’t believe it, at least the part about being fine, but he kept his doubts to himself.   
After Legolas’ third panic attack and Aragorn finding him trying to sneak away with sharp objects for the second time, he was voicing his doubts loudly.   
“Right, that’s it, Legolas, this is not working. You’re a nervous wreck. I’m calling Ada, and he’s taking us both home.”  
“No, Estel, I’m fine…”  
“You are not fine, and I won’t hear any more of it.”  
Legolas hung his head, but he didn’t argue further, knowing that there really was no argument. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I thought I was stronger than this.”  
“You don’t need to be strong right now. It’s alright, come on.”  
Soon enough, they were home in Aragorn’s room. It was lunch time, and at his prompting, Legolas dutifully brought out a lunch box carefully packed with a ham sandwich and three thick slices of apple. It didn’t look like much to Aragorn, but he knew that Legolas’ dietician planned the meals herself, so he’d have to trust the portions to her.  
Elrond left them alone, as did Thranduil after a worried phone call with Legolas, since Elrond had told him about the two of them leaving school. Legolas leaned against the bed’s headboard, his shoulder just touching Aragorn’s. The blonde looked too distressed to eat just now, and Aragorn decided to try to calm him down before insisting he ate anything.  
“Talk to me,” Aragorn prompted.  
When Legolas turned to him, his eyes were filled with tears. “You have to help me,” he whispered.  
Not entirely surprised by the tears, Aragorn pulled his boyfriend’s head to his shoulder. “I will help you, I promise. Anything you need.”  
“No, Estel, you don’t understand. I feel like I’m going mad. I’m watched all the time. My dad has removed anything vaguely dangerous from the house. I can’t escape… please, you have to help.”  
“What do you need?” Aragorn thought he knew where this was going, but he let Legolas spell it out, hoping he was wrong.  
“A rope. Or something sharp. Poison, sleeping pills… anything, really. Please, Estel. It hurts too much.”  
Aragorn blinked back his own tears as Legolas shuddered in his arms. “I won’t do that, Legolas.” He was just grateful that his boyfriend was too distressed to properly assess his surroundings, which could easily become deadly if one was thinking clearly. Even breaking the glass in the window would be an easy way to acquire a weapon, but of course, he wasn’t going to say that.  
“Please,” the blonde begged. “Please, you’re the only one I can ask.”  
“I cannot.” Aragorn kissed the other boy’s forehead and held Legolas as he cried, wishing he could do more. He wanted nothing more than to take his boyfriend’s burden on himself, anything to spare the other this suffering. “Let me take your pain. Give it all to me. Let go.”  
Legolas turned slightly, wrapping his arms around Aragorn’s waist as he sobbed. Then he started talking. Sometimes, his words weren’t distinguishable through his tears, other times they were. Aragorn listened patiently, murmuring soothing things and stroking Legolas’ hair.   
“I m-miss her,” Legolas choked. “It’s like it’s – suffocating me and I don’t know how to escape it.”  
“I know, I know,” Aragorn crooned, wrapping his arms around the blonde as he cried. “Keep going. Give me all your pain.”  
He didn’t know if it was working, didn’t know if speaking his pain was allowing Legolas to let go of it, but Aragorn kept at it. It hurt his heart enough to hear that he could fully believe he was taking it on in his boyfriend’s stead.   
Aragorn knew what to do for the hyperventilating, but this crushing misery was horrible to see, and it made him feel helpless. Legolas was clutching his stomach as though something was trying to burst out of it, and Aragorn tugged at his arms. “What’s wrong?”  
“I – p-pain – physical, sometimes – s-sort of – doctor says – man-manifesting…”  
Aragorn didn’t entirely understand, but he replaced Legolas’ arms with his own, squeezing the other boy as tightly as he could. By Legolas’ relieved sigh, he was doing the right thing. He wrapped his legs around the blonde as well, holding him firmly as he wept.   
It took hours for Legolas to calm down. When he did, they lay peacefully for a while before Aragorn spoke. “Did it work?”  
“Did what work?”  
“Did you give me your pain?”  
“I – I don’t know.” Legolas curled into Aragorn’s side as he thought. “I think… I think maybe I did. It still hurts, but less… though it’ll probably come back.”  
“Then you’ll give it right back to me, ok?”  
“Ok.”  
Legolas sighed and let his eyes drift closed. He was exhausted, but Aragorn couldn’t let him sleep yet.  
“You still need to eat your lunch. Ada will kill us if he realizes we’ve left it this late.”  
As he’d expected, Legolas flinched. “I’m not hungry.”  
“I know, but you have to eat. Come on, don’t make me get Ada in here.” Legolas didn’t respond, so Aragorn tried again. “I’ll tell you what. You eat lunch, and afterward, I’ll take you on that date I promised you.”  
The blonde’s eyes lit up at this. “I’ve been looking forward to that. Just… not a restaurant.”  
“No, nothing to do with food. I thought we could see a movie.”  
“I’d like that.”  
“Good, but you do have to eat, first.”  
“Ok,” he said softly. Aragorn had expected more of an argument, but Legolas got up and opened the lunch box. He ate so quickly that Aragorn was worried he’d make himself sick. Afterward, Legolas gulped water, panting. It was clear in his eyes that eating was still an ordeal for him, but at least he was doing it.  
“Estel… could you get me a soda, please? I think I need to wash the taste out of my mouth with something more than water.”  
“Of course – it is allowed, right? Judy didn’t give you a list of things you can’t eat or anything?”  
“No, she’s more worried about getting me to eat at all. She says that if I feel I want to eat or drink something more than my minimum meals, that’s great.”  
“Excellent! I’ll just be a minute.” Aragorn hesitated. He’d already removed anything that could be weaponized from his room – at least, anything removable, since he couldn’t exactly remove the glass in the windows – but he scanned it once more, making sure that there was nothing that could harm Legolas that he needed to take out.  
He’d only gotten a few steps from the door when he realized he’d forgotten to ask Legolas what type of soda he wanted. Aragorn hurried back to his room, to find Legolas gone. Panic swamped him before he realized that his boyfriend was simply in the bathroom.   
Before relief could come, he heard a retching noise and hurried inside, and opened the door to find Legolas bent over the toilet. His hand was deep down his throat, and he gagged, vomiting violently.  
“Legolas, no!”  
Aragorn dragged the blonde’s hands away, but the damage was done. The entire lunch he’d just eaten was in the toilet.   
“You can’t do that,” he moaned, trying to tug Legolas away. Legolas ignored him, calmly flushing, washing his hands and pulling a toothbrush and tube of toothpaste out of his pocket.   
“How long have you been doing this for?” Aragorn asked with rising dread, watching the blonde brush his teeth.  
Legolas didn’t answer until he put the toothbrush away. Aragorn followed him back to the bed, walking on his boyfriend’s heels, he was staying so close.  
“It doesn’t matter, Estel.”  
“Doesn’t matter? Of course it matters! What’s the point in eating if it’s just going to come back up again?”  
“I told them at the hospital I couldn’t eat. It’s not my fault they didn’t listen.”  
No, no, no, this was all wrong. It was all Aragorn could do not to sit down on the floor and burst into tears. How could he help Legolas when Legolas wouldn’t let him?  
He’d learned his lesson about keeping this kind of thing to himself, at least. Not wanting to leave the blonde alone for another moment, Aragorn simply raised his voice. “Ada!” he shouted. He knew his father would come.  
Legolas flinched and shook his head frantically. Aragorn took his hand, giving him a stern look. Moments later, Elrond hurried in. “What is it? Is something wrong?”  
“Yes, something is wrong. I left the room for two seconds after Legolas ate, and returned to find him forcing himself to throw up.”  
A look of great sadness crossed Elrond’s face. “Oh, Legolas. You have to eat, and keep it down.”  
Legolas turned away, to hide his tears, Aragorn knew.   
“I will make sure Thranduil and Legolas’ team are apprised. Thank you for telling me, Estel.”  
“Should I try to get him to eat something else?”  
“No, not right now. Let his dietician and therapist decide what to do. Just stay with him for now.”  
Elrond left the two of them alone once more.   
“I’ve… I’ve lost my chance at that date, haven’t I?”  
“No, you haven’t. To be honest, I would have taken you even if you refused to eat. I’ve been looking forward to it too.”  
Legolas smiled at this. “Before we go, could… could you give me a massage? I’m kind of sore from all the shaking.”  
“Of course. Whatever you need, just tell me.”  
“I’m not good at… sharing my pain.”  
“You’re getting better,” Aragorn promised, and it was true. “Is there anything else? Anything at all?”  
“Just – my eyes ache, too.”  
“It’s from the crying, your eyes are probably dried out. That’s easy enough to fix, some eyedrops will help. You have to come with me to get them from Ada’s room, though, I’m not leaving you alone again.”  
Legolas trailed willingly after him. They found Elrond in his study, and he was quick to accommodate them with eyedrops from his medical room.   
“Also, do you have a soothing oil I can use for massage?”  
“Ah, putting those skills I taught you to good use, I see. I believe your brothers left something in your drawer that will be quite suitable.”  
Aragorn didn’t know why the twins would put massage oil in his drawer, but he shrugged and went with Legolas to check. Sure enough, there it was, a body oil perfect for massage, that had definitely not been there this morning. It was only when he spotted the condoms that Aragorn realized what the oil was about. He choked and tried to slam the drawer shut, but Legolas had already seen.  
“Ha!” Legolas laughed as he examined the condoms. “They left us different sizes and flavors and everything. I’ll have to remember to thank them.”  
“Right after I strangle them,” Aragorn muttered, his face once again beet red.   
“So am I going to get that massage or what?”  
“Sure. Um, if I’m going to use the oil you’ll need to take your shirt off.”  
“I was kind of hoping for a full body massage.”  
Aragorn gulped. “Off with everything, then. I’ll turn around.”  
He did, and when Legolas told him he could turn back, the blonde was lying on his stomach on the bed. His ass was beautiful, and Aragorn resisted the urge to touch it.   
He started at Legolas’ shoulders, letting himself be guided by the soft noises of pleasure his boyfriend made. Aragorn’s cock was soon rock hard, but he did his best to ignore it. Legolas was hurting, and he needed help.   
By the time he told Legolas to turn over, Aragorn was about ready to come in his pants. He was fast becoming addicted to Legolas’ sounds of pleasure, and wondered what else he could do to elicit such sounds.  
When Legolas turned onto his back, Aragorn’s eyes were immediately drawn to his cock. It stuck up proudly, hard and weeping. Thank God, at least he wasn’t the only one having an entirely inappropriate reaction to this.   
Deciding to forgo the rest of the massage, Aragorn instead kissed his boyfriend. Legolas responded with a ferocity that had them both groaning.   
“No fair,” Legolas murmured. “If I have all my clothes off, you should too.”  
Aragorn was only too keen to comply, and in moments, his cock was free as well. He tossed his shirt and pants away, then brushed his fingers reverently down Legolas’ chest, making the other boy shudder. They kissed for several frantic minutes before Aragorn felt a hand on his cock. Legolas took them both in hand, working them swiftly.   
Aragorn had never felt anything so good, and he was moments away from spilling. “Legolas, I’m going to –”  
The hand disappeared, and Aragorn groaned in frustration. “What was that for?”  
“I want you to come inside me.”  
“W-what?”  
“Take me, Estel.” Legolas’ eyes held only love and trust.   
“Are – are sure?” Aragorn wanted that, more than anything, but the last thing he wanted to do was rush his boyfriend. There were things more important than lust. He cared about Legolas more than he cared about physical pleasure.   
“I’m sure. I want you.”  
That was all the prompting he needed. Silently thanking his brothers, he took the oil and coated his fingers in it.   
“This may be uncomfortable at first,” he warned.  
“I know – I sat through the same lesson you did, remember?”  
Aragorn went slowly, gently parting Legolas’ ass cheeks and trailing a finger over his opening. Legolas made one of those pleasure noises that Aragorn was quickly coming to covet. When he gently pushed the finger inside, Legolas tensed at first, but Aragorn distracted the blonde by taking his cock in hand.   
He started to move the finger in and out, and soon Legolas was rocking against him, moaning softly with each thrust.  
Aragorn added another finger and scissored the two, opening the blonde further.   
“Ah – there, right there, Estel!”  
That must be the prostate. He repeated the movement, and when he touched the sensitive spot once more, Legolas bucked wildly and came hard, crying out Aragorn’s name.   
He fell back, panting. “Sorry,” he gasped. “I couldn’t –”  
“Don’t apologize.” Aragorn kept his fingers where they were, but moved up to kiss his boyfriend. He was still painfully aroused, but Legolas looked so happy and sated, he had to ask. “If that’s all you want to do today, that’s fine with me…”  
“No. No, I want you to take me.”  
With a groan, Aragorn once more captured the blonde’s lips. It wasn’t long before Legolas’ cock was rising again, poking him in the stomach, and Aragorn shifted his hips, creating friction between their hard members.  
He pushed a third finger into Legolas, careful to pay attention to his prostate. Legolas jerked his hips up against him, and Aragorn wondered if the blonde would come again before he was fully prepared.  
“Now, Estel,” Legolas panted. “I need you now.”  
After thrusting his fingers in and out a few more times, Aragorn removed them and grabbed one of the condoms.  
“That had better not be the spicy one.”  
He quickly checked the wrapping. “Nope, the ribbed one.”  
“Excellent.”  
He got the condom on and pulled Legolas legs up so that they were resting on his shoulders. “You ready?”  
“I’m ready.”  
He’d never done this before, but Aragorn knew the theory. He slowly pushed the tip of his cock into the blonde. Legolas murmured encouragement, and he went further. The blonde stiffened. Aragorn stopped, letting him to get used to the sensation before continuing.  
By the time he was fully sheathed inside his boyfriend, Aragorn was ready to burst. He could see that it was hurting Legolas, though, so he took the time to work the other boy’s cock until it was full and weeping once more.  
“Move,” Legolas ordered.  
Aragorn did, slowly at first, but then faster as Legolas made noises of encouragement and increasing desperation.  
Soon, he was pounding in and out, knowing nothing but the fierce need for release.   
“Estel – can’t – I –”  
Legolas twisted his head desperately from side to side, and Aragorn thought he understood. He wasn’t hitting his boyfriend’s prostate, and took immediate measures to rectify this. He moved Legolas’ legs slightly, changing the angle, and a loud cry told him that he’d gotten it right.  
He leaned forward, nibbling on Legolas’ ear tip, which was apparently very sensitive.   
Legolas’ ass tightened impossibly as his hot come spurted over Aragorn’s hand. That was it for Aragorn, and he came too, muffling his shout in the blonde’s shoulder. Several more frantic thrusts, and he was done. He lay panting next to Legolas, his mind still spinning with the aftermath of the pleasure.  
Legolas turned into him, and Aragorn immediately put his arms around the blonde. Legolas’ face was now sleepy and sated, and Aragorn gave him one more kiss, grinning broadly. “That was…”  
“Yeah,” Legolas breathed, still getting his wind back.   
They lay there together for a long time, recovering and simply enjoying being close. Aragorn’s last thought before he drifted off was that he thought he might be falling in love.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8  
Legolas

Legolas woke to the sound of Estel speaking quietly to one of the twins.   
“I owe you an apology,” Estel muttered. “I shouldn’t have called you a steaming pile of troll shit.”  
Legolas recognized a few of the many angry words Estel had hurled at Elrohir during their rather embarrassing lesson.  
He could almost hear the twin’s smirk. “Ooh, put my advice to good use, have you? I’ll want details, Estel!”  
“Shut up, El, you’re not getting them.”  
“Then you’re not getting any more of my advice. Do you think I told you everything there is to know about pleasing another in an hour? Oh no, brother, there is much more I could teach you.”  
Legolas struggled not to laugh, imaging Estel’s expression.  
“I’ll… I’ll consider it.”  
“You do that, little brother.”  
Legolas waited for the sound of the door closing before opening his eyes. “Sounds like I have some pleasant things coming my way. Your brother is a good teacher.”  
Estel rolled his eyes, his face slightly red. “You still want to go to that movie?”  
“Absolutely.”  
They made it out of the door with minimal sniggering from the twins. Even Elrond was smiling as he drove them to the mall. “Text me when the movie ends, I’ll fetch you – unless you’d prefer El?”  
“No, I’d like to live past tonight, thanks. I’d still like to know what maniac gave those two their learners’ permits.”  
Legolas tried not to wince. The fact was he would like very much not to live past tonight. The moment of joy he’d had with Estel did little to change that. Of greater impact was the scene from this afternoon. Estel had held him as he’d cried many times, but something about today had been different. It felt like his boyfriend had drawn some of the pain from him, like one might draw poison from a wound.   
Perhaps it was simply that he was getting better at letting go. He’d have to ask his therapist; she did say that talking about things was supposed to make them hurt less, it was just the first time he’d experienced it. Always before, the pain had left for a time and returned, but never felt truly diminished.  
Unfortunately, it was only diminished a little, and not nearly enough to quell Legolas’ desire for death. Even worse, by tomorrow, everyone would know about his throwing up after meals, and they’d find a way to put a stop to it. Legolas didn’t know what he was going to do.  
He realized he’d stopped walking when Estel’s arm around his waist tightened. “Legolas?”  
“Sorry, I was just thinking.”  
“Want to talk about it?”  
“Maybe later.” For now, Legolas just wanted a normal date.  
To his great surprise, they had it. Perhaps his talk earlier with Estel had been more healing than he’d realized, because he didn’t break down once the entire evening. He enjoyed the movie, but even more, he enjoyed the feeling of Estel’s hand in his the whole time.   
It was everything he could have wanted in a first date. When Elrond picked them up, he started driving toward Legolas’ home, and Legolas found himself tensing.  
“What is it?” Estel murmured.  
“I – I don’t want you to leave me,” he mumbled, ashamed of his clinginess. “I’m worried how I’ll feel, what I’ll do…”  
“Ada?” Legolas didn’t quite understand the pleading tone in Estel’s voice, but apparently Elrond did.  
“If Thranduil says it’s alright, you can stay the night with Legolas at his house. I’ll even add my medical recommendation to it.”  
“Thanks, Ada!”  
“Thank you, Elrond. I really appreciate it.”  
“Of course, it’s my pleasure. Don’t learn to rely on it too much, though, Legolas. Estel can’t always be with you.”  
“Yes I can,” Estel said stubbornly. “We’ll move out if we have to.”  
“And study the same thing, then work the same job?”  
“If we have to.”  
Legolas was already shaking his head. “Estel, that’s not necessary. I mean, maybe now, but not forever. At least, I hope not. Right, Elrond?”  
Though Elrond didn’t specialize in psychiatry, Legolas had come to appreciate his keen insight and didn’t hesitate to ask him for advice.  
“You are correct, of course. This is still very early. Things will get easier. You’ll need to work with your therapist on proper boundaries, so that you both learn to function on your own and to accept Estel’s help and support.”  
Estel tightened a protective arm around him, and Legolas leaned his head on his boyfriend’s shoulder. They let Elrond deal with Thranduil, and were both delighted when the two fathers beckoned them, indulgent smiles on their faces.  
“Just tonight,” Thranduil warned, though Legolas could tell from the way he eyed his son’s bright smile that this edict could easily be reversed if necessary. Legolas was also pleased that no warnings about clothes were given before they went to bed, even if his father did eye him and Estel somewhat apprehensively as he said goodnight.   
It had been the best evening Legolas had experienced in a while, and it couldn’t last. His mood was rapidly tanking, and as he nestled into Estel’s arms, all he could think of was death. Estel sensed his tension, and started rubbing Legolas’ back.   
As things in his head went from bad to worse, Legolas found himself wondering how long it would take Estel to fall asleep. He could sneak out of bed, and… he thought frantically, trying to figure out what he could do. Walk until he reached a train station, to throw himself in front of one? Search every garden until he found an implement sharp enough to slit his arteries?  
“What is it? I can tell something’s wrong.”  
Legolas was acutely aware of how devastated Estel would be if he died. How could he do that to someone he cared so deeply for? Yet he didn’t think he could stop himself.  
“Don’t leave me alone tonight,” he whispered desperately.  
“I wasn’t planning on it. Don’t worry, I’m not going anywhere.”  
That wasn’t going to be enough, but Legolas found the words sticking in his throat. How could he ask Estel not to sleep, to watch him the entire night? It wouldn’t be fair.  
“Your heart is racing. Tell me what’s bothering you before we have to get the sedatives. What are you thinking?”  
“I… sneaking away, once you’re asleep. Finding a train, or something sharp. Anything. I don’t think I can resist.”  
Estel stiffened, but his voice when he spoke was calm. “Alright. Give me a moment to think about this.”  
Legolas trembled, praying that Estel wasn’t about to call the hospital.   
“Ok, I’ve got it. Hang on, I just need to make a call.”  
“No, Estel, I don’t want to go to the hospital!”  
“I’m not calling them. I’m calling Elladan. He has something we’re going to need.”  
Elladan answered promptly. “Estel?”  
“El, I need a favor. Remember the birthday present Elrohir got you last year? I need it.”  
“Ooh, taking some of his advice, are you? Of course, you may borrow it.”  
“I need it tonight.”  
“Tonight? It’s past midnight, Estel! You can wait one more day. Elrohir has taught you enough to entertain yourselves without it for one night.”  
“No, El, it’s not for that. It – look, I just need it, alright? Please?”  
“Fine,” Elladan grouched. “I’ll over in a bit.”  
About half an hour later, Legolas jumped when something hit his window. It sounded like a pebble. Estel quickly opened the window.   
“Throw them up, El.” He caught something that made a jangling noise when moved. “Thank you! I swear, I’ll explain tomorrow.”  
“You’d better – I didn’t jog all the way here for nothing.”  
“Love you, El.”  
“Love you too, Estel. You be careful, now. Do I need to talk to you about safe words?”  
“No, I told you, it’s not for that!”  
“Fine, but I’m adding that to the topic of our next lesson.”  
Estel rolled his eyes as he turned back to face Legolas, who was by now completely bewildered, more so when he saw a pair of thickly padded handcuffs in his boyfriend’s hands.  
“Uh, Estel, I’m not sure I’m into that…”  
“You too? Can neither you nor my brother keep your minds out of the gutter? As I said, I’m not using them for their intended purpose.”  
Legolas allowed Estel to handcuff them together, then walked with him right to the opposite corner of the room, tucking the key into a drawer. They edged their way back to bed, Estel looking inordinately pleased with himself.  
“I’m beginning to doubt your sanity…”  
“Doubt it all you will, but you will not be sneaking off after I fall asleep, at least not without my knowledge.”  
Legolas laughed as he realized the brunette’s scheme. It was truly brilliant. “Ok, I admit it, it’s a good idea.”  
The handcuffs were so comfortable that they barely jostled Legolas as he and Estel settled in each other’s arms.   
“Give me your pain,” Estel urged. Legolas was exhausted and he didn’t feel like breaking down again, but what if it helped? He may be physically safe, but he felt like he was drowning within his own mind. If talking to – well, more like crying on – Estel helped, he’d take it.  
“I don’t really know where to start. I’m just so sad all the time. Yvonne, that’s my therapist, says that’s just the depression, that it’ll pass, but it’s… it would be easier to die.”  
“What does it feel like?”  
“It feels like…have you read Harry Potter?”  
Estel looked affronted. “Of course I’ve read Harry Potter.”  
“Dementors,” Legolas said simply, relieved when Estel nodded in understanding.   
“Tell me more.”  
“I – I’d do anything to escape it. It’s so much worse now that I can’t cut. I – I need it, E-Estel.” Legolas didn’t even bother to fight it this time as the tears came. “Yvonne keeps telling me to find other things that make me feel better, but there’s just nothing that works like cutting does…”  
Estel listened as Legolas’ monologue became less and less coherent. When Legolas was completely overtaken by sobs, his boyfriend held him, murmuring to him to let go, to let him take the pain. Legolas tried, he really did, but letting go was still hard for him, even with Estel.  
Luckily for him, Estel wouldn’t let him hide himself away. He could tell when Legolas was doing it, and quickly drew him out with a few easy questions. At one point, Thranduil came in, concerned by the continuous hours of weeping he’d been listening to, but at Legolas’ urging, Estel sent him away, Legolas being too distraught to form understandable sentences.   
Legolas wasn’t even truly aware of falling asleep. The last thing he remembered, Estel was wiping his tears and combing Legolas’ hair with his fingers. The next, the room was filled with sunlight, and Estel was snoring peacefully, with Legolas sprawled out over his chest.  
He was so peaceful, Legolas didn’t want to disturb him, but he desperately needed to pee.   
“Estel?” he whispered.  
The brunette’s eyes came open, and he gave Legolas a sleepy kiss. “Good morning. Or good afternoon, I should say.”  
“Afternoon? Crap, crap, I have my appointment with Yvonne at two.”  
“I know, your father came in to tell me. Don’t worry, it’s only one. I was going to wake you in about ten minutes. How are you feeling?”  
Legolas thought about this. “I think you may have a superpower,” he said seriously.  
“I do?” Estel grinned. “What can I do? Fly? Shoot laser beams from my eyes?”  
“No, even better. You can take my pain away.”  
He’d never seen Estel smile more brightly than he did now. “Good! That beats super strength any day.”  
“Would you mind taking these off? I need to use the bathroom.”  
They walked together to get the key, but even once the handcuffs were off, Estel didn’t stray more than a few steps from him, even trying to accompany Legolas into the bathroom.  
“I’m ok. At least, enough to be on my own for a minute. I’ll let you know if I’m not, I swear.”  
Estel insisted on a kiss before relinquishing him.   
When they went down to the dining room, Thranduil was waiting with Legolas’ lunch. “You’re lucky Aragorn persuaded me to let you sleep through breakfast. I won’t be making a habit of it.”  
Legolas spared his boyfriend a grateful look before turning to his plate with growing dread. He couldn’t throw up after this, Estel would stop him. How, then, was he supposed to eat? His pleading look was met with sternness from Estel. “You have to eat,” his boyfriend said quietly.  
Thranduil eyed Legolas’ wrist as he reluctantly speared a few pieces of pasta on a fork. “You got those things off, then? Do I… do I need to talk to the two of you about –”  
“If you say ‘safe words’, I’m going to throw this plate at your head,” Legolas warned.  
Thranduil shrugged, blushing slightly, but he didn’t break his son’s gaze, clearly expecting an answer to his question.  
“No,” Legolas gritted out. “Estel’s brothers have that handled.”  
“Oh, good.” Thranduil smiled in relief.   
Legolas tried to quell his rapidly rising panic. “I don’t know how to do this,” he whispered to Estel.   
“Here, let me help you.” Estel took the fork from his shaking hand, shaking it lightly so that it only contained a single piece of pasta. “Close your eyes,” he urged.  
Legolas did so, clutching Estel’s hand in his.   
“Open up.”  
He did, and then the pasta was in his mouth. “Chew and swallow.”  
Estel rubbed his back sympathetically, and Legolas did his best not to choke on the food. Somehow, he got the bite down.   
“Good!” Estel rewarded him with a kiss. “Take another bite, and you get another kiss.”  
It was ridiculous, but using this method, they were able to get the entire meal down. Legolas peeked at his father, wondering how Thranduil would be affected by his son’s apparent insanity. His dad wasn’t even looking at him; he was staring at Estel as though seriously considering kissing him. Legolas smothered a laugh. There was no faster way for someone to endear themselves to Thranduil than to help Legolas.  
Estel never let go of Legolas’ hand. As soon as he’d washed the food down with a glass of juice, Legolas was taken by the urge to throw up. Estel was ready for him and grabbed both of Legolas’ hands in his, keeping them well away from his mouth, stopping him from plunging his fingers down his throat.   
Legolas was twitching with the urge to run to the bathroom. Moments later, he lost the battle with himself and lunged for the door. Estel’s grip on him didn’t falter. He didn’t even let Legolas get out of his chair.   
“Estel, please…”  
“No, Legolas. You cannot. Come on, now, think of something else.”  
“I can’t!”  
“Then I’ll help you. Just let me.”  
Legolas nodded shakily, and Estel continued. “I got a message from Gimli earlier this morning, he says he can bring over our school work this afternoon if we’re up to it.”  
Fear filled him and Legolas momentarily forgot the desire to throw up. “What have you told him?”  
“Just that you’re ill and I’m keeping you company. I won’t tell him more if you don’t want, but you can trust him. He likes you, and he’s a good friend.”  
It was something to consider. Legolas didn’t think he’d ever be as comfortable being open with anyone as he was with Estel, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t make a friend. He didn’t need to tell Gimli every detail, after all.   
“I… maybe that would be nice. Not this afternoon, though. I’m not usually up to socializing after a session with Yvonne.”  
“Of course. I can leave if you need space.”  
“NO!” Legolas grabbed his boyfriend in panic. “That’s not what I meant. I didn’t mean you. I’ll need you… She makes me talk about stuff, and it’s – upsetting.”  
“I understand,” Estel soothed. “I will be here, if your father doesn’t object.”  
Legolas wouldn’t be surprised if Thranduil asked Estel to move in at this point. “Please, stay as long as you’d like, Aragorn. I’m honored to have you here.”  
“Be glad you’re already adopted,” Legolas muttered, “or we’d likely soon be brothers.”  
Estel snorted with laughter. “That would make this a bit awkward.”  
Thranduil didn’t even grimace as the two of them kissed deeply.  
Legolas went to his session with Yvonne – driven by his dad with Estel in the back seat, to wait for him until the session was over – in high spirits. By now, he knew it wouldn’t last, but he also knew that if it got to be too much, Estel would be able to draw away the worst of his despair.  
A thought struck him, and he immediately expressed it to Estel, not waiting for his boyfriend to pull it out of him. “What if it doesn’t last? What if you can’t always take my pain? What if it’s just a two-time fluke…”  
“I will always find a way to take your pain,” Estel promised. “You can trust me, Legolas. I will always find a way to take it. You just need to let go.”  
“I think I can do that,” Legolas whispered, leaning his head against Estel’s shoulder. For the first time since his mother’s death, he felt hopeful.


	9. Epilogue

Epilogue  
Three months later  
Aragorn  
“You sure you’re ready for this?”  
“I’m sure. If I have to take one more test at home, I think I’m going to start going loony.” Legolas grinned at him, and Aragorn returned the smile wholeheartedly.  
He and Legolas had spent most of the last three months together, but Legolas had been learning to spend some time apart from him too in recent weeks, something neither of them had found particularly fun, though they knew it had to happen.  
They’d gotten frequent visits from Gimli, Boromir and Faramir, all of whom were fast friends with Legolas by now. They knew the basics of what was troubling Legolas, though he hadn’t explained in more detail, and none of his friends seemed to need him to.   
“What about archery? I reckon you’re strong enough to take up some exercise again, what with the weight you’ve gained back, as long as you don’t insist on wearing a jersey.”  
“No jersey this time.” Legolas still had pink scars on his arms, but there were no new cuts, and there hadn’t been for some time. “And yes, I asked Dr. Hanley yesterday, he said I can go back to archery. Judy insists I eat extra if I do, though.”  
“If you’re not feeling up to the eating, we can always skip archery today and do it next week.”  
“I will let you know, but I’d like to go. I think we’ve finally managed to eliminate the worst of the side effects of the medication. At least I can keep my eyes open now.”  
Getting the medication right had been hell, and not just because of the side effects. Aragorn had lost count of the number of times Legolas had begged to die, or tried to sneak off to cut or throw up. Though those things were by no means passed, they had at least eased. Apparently, getting the right combination of medications made a huge difference. Legolas had a sparkle in his eyes that Aragorn had never seen before, and it was clear that his boyfriend, while not perfect, was feeling a lot better.  
“What about the twins? Are they still determined to make fools of themselves?”  
“You know my brothers, they’d never miss an opportunity to make fools of themselves.”  
Legolas had been worried about eating in the cafeteria, given that Aragorn still needed to feed him relatively often, when he couldn’t face the food himself. To make him feel less self-conscious, the twins had decided that they would be feeding each other lunch for the foreseeable future. They’d gotten Faramir and Boromir on board; the whole thing was going to be ridiculous, but Aragorn could tell that Legolas was grateful.  
“You just tell me if you need time alone, or if you need me to take your pain. We can go to the nurse’s office if we have to, Ada’s already spoken to her.”  
“I will,” Legolas promised. He’d learned to ask for Estel’s help when he needed it now, and his life had been much easier for it. “I… I worry about the other students. They probably won’t be very understanding about all this, and the chances are that I’ll have at least a couple of public panic attacks in the next few weeks, to say the least.”  
Aragorn laughed. “You forget who my brothers are. You’re my boyfriend, which means you’re part of the family. Don’t worry, no one will bother you.”  
At this explanation, Legolas laughed too. Thranduil shot them a quizzical look in the mirror, but didn’t question as he pulled into the school parking lot. “Alright, we’re here, boys. Legolas, call if you need me, you understand?”  
“I will, dad, but I think I’ll be fine, honestly. I have Estel.”  
“That you do.” Thranduil treated Aragorn to his most adoring smile. “Good luck, then!”  
They two of them got out of the car to be hailed immediately by Gimli. Before he could reach them, Aragorn pulled Legolas into a kiss. “I love you,” he murmured.  
“I love you,” Legolas replied.  
They’d first said it two weeks ago, and now neither of them could keep the words off their lips. Legolas tensed slightly beside him as they came up to the school building, but quickly relaxed as Gimli engaged them in conversation. Aragorn kept hold of his hand, and no one even dared shoot a nasty look their way. Indeed, Saruman was walking past, and when he saw them, quickly dashed into a nearby classroom, slamming the door behind him. Aragorn sniggered, and pointed it out to Legolas and Gimli, who were soon laughing outright.   
“I love you,” Legolas whispered again. “Thank you, Estel… for saving me. For teaching me to let go.”  
Aragorn looked at his beautiful boyfriend, his eyes were filled with warmth and love as he pressed a sweet kiss to Legolas’ lips.   
“It is my pleasure, Legolas. And I love you too.”


End file.
